This week in football ....

Almost one week later and still the recrimination and regret rage on. England will be staying home while the 16 other European nations battle it out at the European Championships in Austria and Switzerland next summer.

Abysmally and toothlessly, England lost the must-draw match against Croatia. The same match that I had expected to lack zing because England needed only a draw and Croatia had already qualified. I had not reckoned on the idiocy of the English fans that booed the Croatia national anthem and verily lit a fire under the Croatian players. SCS received his marching orders barely twelve hours after the match. Both Ferguson and Wenger had labeled the decision as "hasty" but it would seem the FA had little choice if it was to maintain any creditability at all with the public. The search for a replacement has taken on a circus-like quality, with every out-of-work (or soon to be out-of-work) manager having his name thrown into the ring. Several of the gainfully employed are also in the mix, willingly or otherwise. Most amusing of all has been the parade of managers that have graciously withdrawn their names from consideration. I don't think anybody wants this job!

And frankly, despite the 2.5 million pounds salary, who would really want to be England manager? Whenever something goes wrong, the manager is almost the first to have the finger pointed in his direction. I usually have no time for McLaren or his bland platitudes, but I felt some real sympathy for him during his farewell press conference. He had always tried hard, too hard, to appear impervious to the pressures of the job. At the end, when he allowed the cracks to show, it was clear that the pressure had been too much for him, and had been too much for longer than he cared to admit.

In the wake of the non-qualification mishap, there has been the miles of analysis on what went wrong, who to blame and how to fix it. Was it all McLaren's fault? Would things have been different with a different coach? Would firing him and getting the right man in fix this malaise in the England national team? Or do the problems go deeper than that? Is there a systemic failure that starts from the very grass-roots of soccer development? In which case, maybe SCS was just the unlucky SOB that got caught at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I reckon it's probably contextual. If Croatia had not scored that last goal (for instance, had Petric struck the ball just a fraction earlier or later), the attention would be focused on Beckham's heroics. It would not have masked England's poor performance (even a victory would not be enough to divert attention from how badly the team played), but perhaps the autopsy might have been staved off for another few months. They were playing atrociously and were so obviously outclassed by the Croatians in terms of ability and tactics, but somehow managed to score two goals and to only lose by one. It is not inconceivable that they could have pulled off the draw and qualified, even though they did not deserve to. And how different might the reactions be had they managed it?

So, was it all McLaren's fault that England stays home next year? I think the FA was right to fire him, if only because he should never have been given the job in the first place. But it wasn't all his fault. If anything, the English FA is probably more culpable than McLaren, for putting someone so blatantly unsuited into the position, and expecting him to be what he cannot be. I personally think that England was unfortunate to be missing Rooney, Owen et al., and especially Terry and Ferdinand in defence. England's players are not so poor that the first choice team would not be regarded as among the top 16 in Europe.

Whether English players are good enough for an England team to win a major tournament? That's another kettle of fish altogether. McLaren's England was never going to win anything, not even with Rooney et al. fit and playing. Sven's England also never won anything. Might Mourinho's England be good enough? Or O'Neill's England? Or Capello's England?

Frankly, it was only Ramsey's England that ever won a major tournament. That was 41 years ago when England had the advantage of being World Cup hosts. Since then, zilch. I don't even think this lack of silverware has much to do with the quality of the players or the coaching. English teams go into all tournaments with expectations far out of proportion to their actual accomplishments. Teams like Italy, Germany and Brazil equally sky-high expectations, but importantly, they also have the track record to justify the expectations. It makes all the difference; at some point, English players probably become stifled by self-expectations, but the teams with traditions of success can feed off expectations to instill self-belief and a sense of destiny.

Perhaps it is time for England to stop regarding itself as a major footballing nation on the international stage. The English Premier League is certainly a major footballing league and top English clubs are certainly major clubs, but the national team? Not so much. England should stop going into tournaments with any expectation of victory, and just be happy to have qualified at all. Freed from the straitjacket of unrealistic expectations, perhaps they might start playing to their potential and achieve something - not a tournament championship, perhaps, but at least respect and the admiration of the footballing world. And who knows, if they get their act together, England as minnows might even win something. After all, Denmark and Greece came from nowhere to become European Champions.

Managerial Musical Chairs

Steve Bruce is now the confirmed new manager of Wigan.

It's not yet Christmas and a quarter of the EPL clubs have changed managers.

Wigan
Birmingham (by default, I wonder who's going there?)
Chelsea
Tottenham
Bolton

Surely this must be some sort of a record?

Lucky England??

I had it all worked out in my head. There was a way for England to qualify for Euro 2008 and get a new manager. It was an unlikely and convoluted scenario, which involved Russia drawing with Israel and Croatia losing to Macedonia over the weekend. This would have left the mid-week qualifiers as such: Croatia still needing a point against England, Russia needing Croatia to achieve said point while securing a win in their own match against Andorra. In my unlikely scenario, Russia crashes to a spectacular defeat against Andorra by some massive goal difference and England loses in the customary uninspired manner to a Croatia team that has something to play for. The upshot is that England qualifies, but only through the furthest back of backdoors and despite an abysmal performance. The vultures begin circling and McLaren's head goes on the chopping block for the umpteenth time.

Well, never mind all that. Israel beat Russia in exactly the sort of improbable circumstances that prompt comments about balls being round and there being no sure-things in soccer. The football was more chuck-bin than champagne, but it was dramatic stuff, complete with a last gasp winner for Israel after Russia had just hit the post moments earlier. For much of the 2nd half, I was resigned to a Russian victory given the lack of action in Russia's half of the field. Then, mayhem in the closing minutes and England was alive again.

My scenario could still happen (Andorra beating Russia and England losing to Croatia), but some sting has been taken out of the Wembley encounter. Croatia does not need to play for a result and England needs a draw and not a win.

McLaren might still find his job endangered. Certain factions of the England support base are actually disappointed that Israel has handed their team a lifeline, perceiving this as an unwarranted extension of McLaren's stint. Such is the degree of utter disillusionment with Second Choice Steve. I have said it before; it's part of why I find it enjoyable to support English sporting teams - they have the most fascinating fans!

Should SCS be kept? Frankly, until Wednesday's match, all arguments for or against are just so much tosh for column inches. If England falls to an abject defeat (possible), the hatchets will be out. If they stumble to an unconvincing draw or eke out a narrow win (probable), debate will rage. If they manage another 3 goal win at Wembley, all the while playing like Manchester United in recent weeks? Maybe the New Dawn would be heralded again.

It was just two matches ago when England was on a roll of 3-0 victories and the team was being praised. You're only as good as your last game. Sure, McLaren's hand was forced by injuries and suspensions; he probably got the team balance right despite himself. But he did manage to marshal limited resources and to work around the loss of key players. This is part of football management and he does deserve some credit for this.

Not that I am a McLaren defender by any means. I do realise that much of my dislike is completely subjective. I find him off-putting in his interviews, with his vapid smiles and usually meaningless utterances. He's not very interesting when he talks and he compounds it by being a charisma vacuum. He inspires neither affection nor respect. I am sure he's a regular likable fellow to those who know him, but he's also a regular PR nightmare. Part of the job of a national manager is to project intelligence and conviction; a sense of knowing what needs to be done and how to do it. He does not come across as being particularly astute and most gallingly, he does not even seem passionate about his job.

Are these reasons enough to give him the axe? Well, they should have been reason enough for him not to be hired in the first place. And since they did hire him despite these, I suppose they owe it to him to assess his performance based on the team's results. If England ends up topping the qualifying group, the objective yardstick would suggest that McLaren has succeeded. Yes, lucky, yadda yadda yadda, but seriously, have England been all that lucky? They've had to play several matches without various first team players, with Rooney, Terry, Owen, Lampard, Ashley Cole etc being unavailable at different junctures. As the luck factor usually does, it probably evens out in the final analysis.

So, until Wednesday, I am willing to give Second Choice a moratorium on the "stay or slay" discussions. He still has to get the result against Croatia and that is certainly far from being a formality.

I personally would like to see England in Euro 2008, even if I am not convinced that their football consistently warrants the spot. It's just always much more fun to follow the English media's coverage of any sporting event when they have a home team to support, despair over or sarcastically write off.

Calling 'em out: The Aftermath

IT WORKED !!!

Sadly, I missed most of this 8-0 drubbing of Besiktas, having nodded off at some point between the first and second goals.

Amazingly, Liverpool now holds the record for the most goals scored in a Champs League match.Two weeks ago, the team was playing poorly and losing points, and their collective confidence, at Besiktas. Arsenal equalled the previous record of 7 goals and dazzled everyone in the process. Now, Liverpool has beaten that record. This is just whack, as the kids say.

I should have launched the offensive right at the start of the season. Liverpool might actually be above both Blackburn and Portsmouth, had I done it. Obviously, these guys need a dose of the call-out voodoo to get their acts together. They all rose to the occasion.

Rafa finally picked Crouch!! And he actually had an attack-focused game plan!! It's almost too much to take in.

Gerrard scored a good goal.

Soccernet said that Voronin played his best match for Liverpool and Kevin McCarra at the Guardian praised his "irrepressible movement". Okay, I am willing to cut him some slack for not scoring. But he's not off the hook completely. This was a night that the team managed 8 goals and he started the match as a striker, yet he managed no goals?? (I figure I need to keep this up, if he's ever going to score for Liverpool again.)

Ryan Babel scored 2 goals, doubling his tally in one fell swoop. Prior to this match? 2 goals from 12 appearances for Liverpool.

Hattrick hero was Benayoun, determined to prove himself anything but "aimless". Now for the really important fall-out from this performance: Can Benayoun do it for England Israel against Russia?

Calling 'em ALL out

Okay, I am giving this another shot. Keeping faith is not working, so the "call out" strategy has to go into full-gear.

This has rarely failed me before. In the past, I have called Rio Ferdinand a has-been, Didier Drogba a no-hoper, Frank Lampard over-rated, Emile Heskey a non-striker, Christiano Ronaldo burnt-out, etc. In all those cases, they proved me resoundingly wrong. It's practically a guarantee that once I write someone off, they spectacularly make me eat humble pie.

No more pussy-footing around. I am calling out the whole lot of 'em at Anfield, beginning with Senor Benitez himself.

Rafa Benitez - He's NOT a Liverpool manager (with apologies to Steve "Macca" McMahon). He's just NOT. The most adventurous thing he has done this season is his redesigned facial hair, which looks about as convincing as his team does on the pitch. Attacking football is against his natural instinct and the team seems completely stymied by his devotion to his system. I don't particularly mind his much pilloried rotation policy, but why does he never play Crouch and keep persisting with the non-performing Kuyt and Voronin (yeah, I am getting stuck in early)? He has not spent wisely, cannot seem to inject any imagination into the team and has now achieved a win-ratio which is poorer than Blackburn's, of all indignities. And Liverpool is behind Portsmouth on points.

Voronin - At the moment, in the running to be the dud buy of the season. From the looks of him, it's probably the only running he's been doing lately. To be fair, he is likely a better player than recent performances suggest, but I don't care. If he does not score soon, he can go and be that better player at a different club.

Kuyt - Sigh. Possibly THE dud buy of last season, considering the amount that Benitez spent on him. He seems particularly lead-footed this year and even less threatening than Emile Heskey during the low-point of his Liverpool years. No pace, not much imagination, can't head, no killer instinct for the finish. Why is he a striker again?

Babel - Not liking what I have seen so far. Touted for versatility, but no penetration as a forward and a poor crosser as a winger. Possibly another expensive Rafa mistake? Looking like a 'yes' to that.

Gerrard - I know he's a Liverpool legend, but he hasn't been all that hot in recent matches. Missed passes galore and seems a less intelligent player than last season. Other than his tradedmark stampeding runs and the odd lucky goal, what else is he contributing lately?

Agger, Carragher - Okay, the defenders are probably less culpable than others but need to do a whole lot more to propel the team forward once they clear the defensive line. Got get involved in the attacking action, yo!

Hyppia - Own goals. Enough said.

Benayoun, Pennant, Mascherano, Sissoko - Lack urgency and seem to be rather aimless in midfield. And all that back-passing when they should be building forward momentum. Maybe Rafa's fault, but use some damned imagination, willya? I sometimes get the feeling that this bunch is having a tiff with the strikers, because they refuse to get the ball to the forward line.

Arbeloa, Finnan, Riise - More width, people, more width! And better crossing, please! You're not supposed to be aiming for players on the opposing team. Or for the stands, or for open patches of turf. Memorise your team colours!

Torres - Leaving him alone for now since he's injured. But the jury is still very much out on him. So far, too profligate for comfort, especially in this team that doesn't create enough to afford profligacy.

Champions' League tonight. Home match vs Besiktas. Must win and all that. We've been there before.

What price one point? Liverpool 1 - Arsenal 1

Well, Liverpool managed a draw against Arsenal. Good enough, given the balance of the match and the performances of the two teams. One might even say that Liverpool was lucky to come away with this one point. Arsenal missed several good chances, had a seemingly legitimate shout for a penalty turned down and dominated the midfield after Xabi Alonso's substitution.

Compared to the performance against Baksitas, this was a marked improvement by Liverpool. They defended much better, for one thing. It was positively godsent not to concede an own goal for the third match running. But there is an obvious lack of creativity going forward, more pronounced than ever in light of the recent exploits of Arsenal and Manchester United, both teams achieving a brand of football to which Liverpool dare not aspire. Heck, even Chelsea managed a 6-0 hammering of Manchester City over the weekend.

Still, it could be said that creative, attacking football is not a pre-requisite for successful teams. Chelsea won two Premiership titles without ever much caring to be entertaining while they were grinding out results.

The problem is that Liverpool is not grinding out the wins. Although undefeated in the Premiership, the team lies sixth and behind Blackburn, of all indignities. After just one quarter of the season, they have already settled too many matches in draws that should have been victories. At the end of the season, surely the team will lament the points dropped in the draws againt Portsmouth, Birmingham and the beleaguered Tottenham.

Of course, this draw against Arsenal is not one of the ones Liverpool should or could have won.
All things considered, a point against a clearly superior Arsenal team is a good point to have gained. However, this is a point earned at the expense of injuries to Torres, Alonso and Mascherano. Without Torres, one hardly knows where the goals are going to come from. Crouch seems the best bet of the forward line, but I am afraid Benitez's persistence with not starting Crouch might even drive him away from Liverpool.

I am reserving space for yet another mention of Voronin, the non-striking wonder. Benitez must have liked something about him, but all I am seeing so far is a rather cumbersome player with a distinct lack of pace and grace, and the unfortunate tendency to waste good chances. Whenever a good pass or cross falls to him, I groan in anticipation of an off-target shot or a complete failure to connect. It's gotten to where I am hoping not to see a pony-tailed figure in the penalty box when Liverpool is mounting an attack.

I am beginning to think that the Premiership is a no-go zone for Ukrainian strikers named Andriy. Maybe Benitez should have learnt something from the Shiva experiment at Chelsea and there is no doubting that Shevchenko is the more accomplished player. Looking at the Guardian's ever-so helpful players statistics page, I find that Voronin has played 10 internationals (with 8 starts) this season and not yet managed to score. Hmm, I suppose Liverpool is actually lucky that he is managing a better goals:games ratio with club than he has with country??

Here's hoping that third time's the charm! Prove me wrong, Andriy!!

Istanbul: Happy memories no more

I went to Youtube and watched Arsenal put 7 goals past Slavia Prague, including the perfect team goal (goal number 6).

Then I watched the live telecast of Liverpool losing 2-1 to Besiktas at Istanbul.

Liverpool plays Arsenal in the Premier League on Sunday. I am NOT looking forward to this. The timing could not be worse.

But then again, the team that will play Arsenal on Sunday will probably bear no resemblance to the one that lost at Istanbul today. Benitez will make at least 7 changes. But I bet he will start Voronin again (who once again missed a few chances tonight).

And Chelsea, supposedly the team in crisis just a few weeks ago, scored a 2-0 victory against Schalke. Man Utd scored 4 to beat Dynamo Kiev 2-4 in the Ukraine. Everyone is winning, except Liverpool!!

Bleeargh.

The Travails of being a Liverpool supporter

Man, it's actually like hard labour supporting this team.

At the end of both of last week's matches, I was completely exhausted by the sheer mental exertion of sustaining hope for an equalising goal. They managed one last night, but they should have been going for a victory, not a draw!

Usually, when I call out a player and declare him incompetent, he will go on to defy my judgment and perform heroics for the rest of the season. So, here goes ... Voronin, WTF??? What the hell was that pussy-footing around in the first half when there was such a great scoring chance? It should have been 2-0 by the half hour mark! I just had this sinking feeling in my stomach when Liverpool failed to capitalise on that chance and true enough, Spurs equalised minutes later.

Well done to Spurs, though. They have managed to draw with both of my teams this week. I will not begrudge them the points. Although I am decidedly NOT looking forward to constant reminders from commentators that "Villa was 4-1 up at this point and look at how that ended up".

Otherwise, it was a great sporting weekend in terms of results that went the way of my personal preferences. Raikonnen won the F1 Grand Prix in Shanghai and the World Championship title race goes down to the wire (although I think Hamilton will still win).

And most gloriously and improbably, France will meet England in the Rugby World Cup semifinals! I like the All-Blacks, but the back-to-back upsets in the quarterfinals were just the stuff of sporting heaven. You could have knocked me over with a feather when I woke up on Sunday morning, checked the BBC website and saw that France had beaten the mighty All-Blacks!! I had watched until the first half and went to bed, expecting that New Zealand would handily retain their lead or even extend it.

After all the blustering about the superiority of Southern Hemisphere rugby, there will be a Northern Hemisphere team in the final. And two of the mighty Tri-Nation teams were out in the quarters! Unthinkable! I know a thing or two about Aussie and NZ parochialism in sport commentary and I wonder how smoothly the humble pie is going down! Of course, the New Zealand journalists may well blame the loss on the referee not penalising the forward pass that led to France's lead-taking try. Which would not so much be pie, but something of a fruitier vintage.

Who's NOT Mourning for Mourinho?

ME!

I was never a great fan of the self-named Special One, and have never exactly taken pains to hide my dislike.

After news broke last week of his sudden departure by mutual consent from Chelsea, it has been tempting to play history revisionist and remember the man more fondly than I ever regarded him. Watching all those news reports of Chelsea fans eulogizing his achievements and football pundits roundly hailing his contribution to the Premier League, I was almost inclined to get a little misty-eyed over the end of the Mourinho era at Stamford Bridge.

He will be missed. He did bring his own inimitable style to the Premiership. He was at all times, newsworthy and media-friendly (if not exactly, friendly to the media). He was a charismatic character in a stable of Premiership managers that are collectively somewhat lacking in that quality. For his fashion sense alone, he deserved a Manager of the Month award, totally in keeping with Chelsea's reputation as the up-market London team. Above all, he achieved spectacular results on the football field for his club - that unbeaten home streak is some sort of a miracle.

Yes, he will be missed and has more than earned his place among the greatest and most celebrated of Chelsea legends.

But let us not forget that he was also often arrogant, an atrociously sore loser, an even more ungracious winner, something of a bully, petulant, childish, rude, supercilious and altogether too pleased with himself. So much so that I had begun to find him laughable and almost clownish in his dogged display of bad behaviour. He seemed to have offered up rudeness as proof of his "special" ability to march to the beat of his own drum; a badge of honour against authority and establishment. Goodness knows that football authorities deserve as much dissent as any other body in power, but Mourinho's accusations of bias and other misdeeds have been firmly barking up the wrong tree, reflecting not a deep concern for the governance of football but a much more self-centred, and less admirable, need to always deflect blame away from himself.

I don't know, perhaps he got out of Chelsea just in time, before the shine wore off. As it is, he leaves with a glowing reputation and as ever has been his way, the media eating out of his hands. It is almost like a masterfully staged personal PR coup; whatever Mourinho goes on to do next, he will attract attention and interest. I did not much admire the man, but I have to give him this much - I can admire his style.

Another Champions League season underway

Apart from bitching about drawing Chelsea for yet another knock-out tie, I managed to not once blog about Liverpool's road to the runners-up spot in last year's Champions League competition. Maybe I jinxed them. In 2005, these pages conscientiously followed Liverpool's progress all the way to the title on that mad, glorious night in Istanbul. Maybe such devotion to documentation is needed again.

So, a 1-1 draw away to Porto to start with. I can live with that, so can Benitez and the team, most likely. At any rate, a draw at Porto is a heck of a lot better than drawing at home to Rosenborg. At least Porto is a former Champions League winning team, and quite recently too. Rosenborg is perfectly respectable, but have never progressed beyond the group stages of the Champions League. It's early in the season, but I get my digs into Chelsea whenever I can!

Early season predictions for the CL:

• AC Milan will get at least as far as the semi-finals.
• Arsenal will go further than Chelsea (!)
• At least one English team in the semi-finals.
  
• Top scorer for an English team in the group stages will be a Manchester United player
• At least 2 of the ties in the round of 16 will be settled by penalties.
• Real Madrid to outlast Barcelona
  

Chelsea 1 Liverpool 0 : It could be worse, right?

Isn't EVERYONE tired of this already? Chelsea vs Liverpool in a Cup knock-out tie?

And what type of luck has Liverpool had lately? Meeting Arsenal all the darn time in domestic cups and then getting Chelsea AGAIN in a Champions League tie.

And Chelsea is a goal up after the first leg. Bleeargh. The entire season is being set up for a Chelsea vs Man Utd show-down on three fronts; we are right on track with that.

So I tell myself: it's only one goal, it could have been worse and at least Liverpool has the Anfield home ground advantage for the second leg. I don't know if it's going to be enough. Hopefully Benitez really has something else up his sleeve because the hand they played this morning was not that convincing.

All this after Jordin sang You'll Never Walk Alone on American Idol, and sang it not very well. It's enough to make a Liverpool fan grumpy. Let's just hope nobody decides to sing 'Ring of Fire' on AI in two weeks' time. It is just as well that they have already done the country music theme.

Memorable Moments from the WC Finals 2006: France vs Italy

Again, these are not necessarily about the football being played on the field. I did watch the match and I thought it was smashing, but somehow seemed to remember things that were not entirely about the football.

a) Pre-match singing of national anthems. The expression on each player's face was a miniature tale of emotions, hopes and resolve.

b) PLACIDO DOMINGO singing during half time!! PLACIDO DOMINGO, I tell you! That was just such a great, wonderful, completely unexpected treat.

c) Repeated close-ups of the special golden balls made in Germany just for the finals. Kudos to the camera-persons.

d) Thierry Henry's karate-slice action when ruing a missed chance in the second-half. I don't know why, but it made me laugh.

e) The Italian teams' 'family portrait pose' when watching the penalty kicks. Emotions were starkly on display, compared to the comparatively cooler countenance of the French (although I am sure both sets of players were equally on edge).

f) The on-field hair-cut given to Argentina-born Azzuri, Camoneresi (sp??). It was actually not a bad cut for something done with what looked like kitchen scissors.

g) Yeah, yeah, I guess I have to mention the Zidane head butt incident. It was actually quite comical, if you ask me. He squared up to Materazzi like he was about to execute the world's most obvious feel-up, then boink! Sorry, that was high comedy for a few seconds.

h) The slow-mo replay of the other players' reactions when Grosso slotted in the last penalty. The slumped shoulders of the French, the screaming relief and joy of the Italians. It just demanded operatic music in the background.

i) Italy winning the World Cup! I cannot be unbiased - I have supported Italy in World Cups since 1994, when Roberto Baggio came so close to winning it but failed from the penalty spot. 12 years later, they win it on penalties. Not quite poetic justice, but it's something anyway, and immensely satisfying.

10 Great Things about a France vs Italy final

Most of these have nothing to do with football. For that matter, I am not even referring to the particular France vs Italy match that was the WC 2006 final played on Sunday night (that will come in another post). France vs Italy is just great generally because:

1) Both teams are The Blues. This is a gold-mine for arm-chair comedians to crack blue jokes.

2) Best. National Anthems. Ever. The Italian anthem is like a stirring Verdian march (although admittedly, not top-grade Verdi; Google reveals that the composer of the Italian anthem is one Michele Novaro who had no other claim to fame) and of course, France has the great Le Marseillaise which is the most impassioned paean to patriotism in the world (and a piece of music distinguished by an arrangement by the great Hector Berlioz).

3) France has Paris. Italy has Milan. The boys would be well-kitted out, both on the field and off.

4) They usually do travelogues of the two countries as background "colour" before the match. When the two countries are France and Italy, the travelogues cannot be less than gorgeous.

5) France: French breads and pastries, crepes. Italy: Pizza, pasta, olives, cannoli. Yummmmm.

6) The post-match interviews will sound impossibly romantic to those of us who do not understand either languages. Not knocking Spanish or Portuegese, but it would not have been quite the same if it was a Argentina vs Brazil match-up. Never mind if Germany was one of the teams.

7) English commentators with plummy accents twist their tongues attempting to sound authentic when pronouncing the players' names: "Zahm-brou-tah" or "Ah-bi-ni-ahl". They usually come across a fair few awkward ones during their weekly EPL assignments, but having 22 of these on the field can only mean a few hilariously wince-worthy moments for us.

8) We are bound to get some enjoyable singing from the fans of both countries during half-time, and whoever wins, in the post-match celebrations. These are countries with proud musical traditions.

9) The stadium will look GREAT with both sets of fans decked out in blue and/or white and waving the pleasingly almost-symmetrical tri-coloured flags of both countries.

10) In recent years, France vs Italy has usually meant seeing Buffon vs Barthez in the battle of the goalkeepers; one has a name that sounds clownish and the other often looks like a clown and sometimes goal-keeps like one.

World Cup rant: The Brazil Love Affair

I am getting sick and tired of sports journalists crying into their cups/glasses/assorted beverage receptacles over the departure of Brazil from the World Cup. With Brazil's elimination, it seems that that the tournament has lost its chance to have a star illuminate the canvas, as Pele and Maradona once did. Apparently, the absence of a Latin American team in the semi-finals meant that "the party has suddenly gone flat", as one commentator pontificated in today's TODAY paper.

Sorry, but have these people been watching the same tournament as us? Sure, it would have been great it Ronaldinho & Co. had stuck around, but only if they had been playing the way they do for their clubs. Patently, they were not. Brazil were underperforming, and in the 5 matches they played in this World Cup, they came nowhere close to exciting the senses or sending the neutral spectator into raptures.

Enough with this idolatry of a team which is far lesser than the sum of its parts. As a football lover, I wanted Brazil's famed quartet to make our hearts sing and our pulses quicken. On the rare occasion, they almost did but never has so much promise delivered so little. The exit of this Brazil team playing with this little inspiration is NOT a great tragedy. The tournament would not be the poorer for it.

This bemoaning of Brazil's loss detracts from the tournament's true unfortunate casualty - Argentina. This was the team that showed the flair of Latin American football, the sheer joy of movement, the gasp-inducing feats of deft touches, delicate flicks and of course, the ubiquitous back-heel. In the end, they were stymied when they reverted against type (and instinct), but their collective World Cup display had won them fans, or at least indifference from traditional Argentina-haters. This year's Brazil might not have lost fans, but certainly did not convert the neutral.

Let us not forget that there is one semi-finalist that played as we would have liked Brazil to have played. I speak of Brazil's conqueror - France. Sure, we lost Brazil and with them, the potential for pyrotechnics from the three R's, Adriano and Kaka. But in losing Brazil, we got France and the pyrotechnics have already been on full display from their resident magician, Zidane.

To those Brazil-blinkered journalists, is Zidane's virtuosity somewhat lessened by not being South American? If Ronaldinho had played as Zidane had in the last 2 matches, I have a feeling these same journalists would be hailing his contribution as being on par with Maradona's 1986 heroics. Surely a great performance is a great performance, whichever country the player is from?

If there is a school of thought that South Americans have a genetic birth-right denied to others, well, there will be a Brazillian in the semi-finals. Portugal's Deco was born in Brazil and even spots the trademark single moniker. Big Phil Scolari, Portugal's coach is of course Brazillian, and some of his essential Brazillian-ness might rub of on the team. Heck, at the risk of dredging up ugly colonial history, let me point out that Portugal settled Brazil ages ago and a great many Brazillian footballers probably have some Portuguese genes in them.

If people need the Brazillian ideal in order to wax rhapsodic over the "People's Game", Portugal is the ready-made stand-in. For me, what I mourn is not Brazil's exit, but the fact that the Brazil that we hoped to see simply did not turn up. Of the eight quarterfinalists, Brazil put up the 2nd worst performance (only second to Ukraine who were hopelessly outclassed). There was no injustice in their exit; only the most churlish would deny that France outplayed them comprehensively and were not only more tactically sound, but also more attractive on the eye. To me, that is the ultimate indictment of this Brazillian team; that they were ultimately rather dull.

But no duller than journalists who resort to the cliches of South Americans as romantic artists and Europeans as pragmatic artisans. The last great "artistic" Brazillian team was the one in WC 1982. They were superlatively entertaining and did not win the title. Since then, Brazil has been hard-nosed, professional and as pragmatic as any German team. As a corollary, Europe has had its share of entertaining teams that played beautiful football - primarily the Dutch teams in the Cruyff days and more recently in 1998 (their quarter-final against Argentina, to me, remains a World Cup classic), and of course, the free-flowing France of the golden generation. To stick doggedly to the LatAm-Europe dichotomy is just plain LAZY journalism.

Rant over. Next - football commentators and the Dread of Dead-Air.

Looking ahead to the World Cup QFs: Thoughts on the Round of 16

The romance of footballing upsets is very fine and well, but I, for one, am glad that the traditional powerhouses were largely represented in the 2nd round matches. I don't care what they say - I would MUCH rather watch Holland vs Portugal and Spain vs France than Turkey vs Japan and Mexico vs USA (both these matches being part of WC2002 2nd round line-up). When the strong teams are in the 2nd round, you get the possibility of quarterfinals matches pitting former champions against one another - to wit, Argentina vs Germany and Brazil vs France.

It's not that I don't want less-fancied teams to do well - I was rooting for Ghana and really wanted South Korea to make it through the group stages. It's not even that I don't believe the powerhouse teams to be over-rated and sagging under the weight of their own unwarranted self-expectations - they ARE.

It's not even about the teams themselves. It's about their nations and their supporters. Even in a world that is generally passionate about soccer, these supporters stand out. There is something more than passion that defines them; there is a fierce pride and the sense of standing on at least having once stood on the path to glory. Maybe I am a sap, but I find that rather stirring.

So much for that. Back to the events in Germany in the last week.

The goals dried up somewhat but I did not find the football any less enjoyable. There were really only two truly boring games in the 2nd round; Switzerland's interminable draw against Ukraine and sad to say, England's lacklustre win over Ecuador. Italy vs Australia was actually rather entertaining, despite the defensiveness of one and the lack of finishing of the other. Argentina vs Mexico was an absorbing match, although it might have disappointed those who expected to see more of the Argentina who turned up against Serbia and Montenegro. Portugal vs Holland was strange, somewhat ill-tempered and littered by yellow and red cards but there was no shortage of good attacking football. Ghana vs Brazil was an open and attractive match, let down only by some questionable refereeing and Ghana's misfiring shots in front of goal. Germany vs Sweden started at a rip-roaring pace and although it settled to a placid inevitability later, there was not a dull moment in the 1st half. Spain vs France was an excellent match in terms of the skills and tactics on display.

In all, a good round of matches, leading to what could potentially be a great round of Quarterfinals showdowns.

I am not sticking my neck out to predict the results. Only one small prognostication: I have a feeling England can go far in this tournament. They are in the QF without having played even one half of good football, and they are facing a Portugal team depleted by suspensions. Something (call it what you will: luck or fortune or fate or destiny) is on their side.

World Cup: Thoughts on the Group stage

Far fewer surprises this year compared to the string of upsets we saw in Korea/Japan 2002. All the seeded teams survived the initial round of matches. Perhaps the biggest upsets have been the failure of the Czech Republic, Poland and Croatia to qualify; but these are minor upsets at best. Certainly, there was nothing here than approached the shock of France, Portugal and Italy booking early flights home in 2002.

I personally prefer it when the traditional "powerhouse" teams make it through to the knock-out stages. The David felling Goliath stories are fantastic and add the touch of whimsy and romance that any World Cup needs. I did think this got out of control in Korea/Japan, where we ended up with Turkey and South Korea as semi-finalists. Realistically, it is usually the big names that make it to the final anyway, and as a viewer, I want to see Argentina and Germany duke it out in a match-up that either may win rather than South Korea (2002 vintage) playing well but losing gamely to a good but not great Germany (also 2002 vintage) that still had the nous and experience to come out on top in big matches.

The fairy-tale romance of the group stages was supplied by two vastly contrasting teams; the skillful, enterprising Ghanaian Black Stars and the battling, enthusiastic Australian Socceroos. After this tournament, the Ghana players will probably be in the position of the Senegalese four years ago - highly sought after and fielding offers from a host of European clubs. Of course, Michael Essien has already trailed a path in this respect. The great Senegal experiment at Anfield (speaking from a totally biased Liverpool supporter point of view) was a mixed success, and I do think the Ghanaians might make a better fist of it. As for the Socceroos, I have been chuckling for two weeks about this team, where an oft-injured Liverpool player is the big star, and its other luminaries ply their trade in Everton, Blackburn and Middlesborough. I fully acknowledge the childishness of this sort of sniggering, but I rather think the Australians themselves might rather enjoy being the dogged journeymen sticking it to the Lamborghini-driving millionaires.

Most enjoyable matches to me were Croatia vs Australia and Argentina vs Serbia and Montenegro. In a tournament of largely enjoyable matches, the Croatia vs Australia match had added drama, unpredictability and the hilarity of Graham Poll issuing three yellow cards to one player. Argentina vs Serbia& Montenegro was one of those beautiful one-sided matches that happen when a team just "clicks" and reaches sublime heights. It brought to mind Holland beating South Korea in the 1998 World Cup finals, when the Dutch machine just purred with movement. Argentina was in a similar zone in this match. I do not think we will see anything like this again in this World Cup, but we will always have THAT 24-passes goal.

Teams that impressed: Argentina, Spain, Germany, Brazil (in fits and starts), Switzerland.

Teams that were sorely disappointing but probably deserved to qualify for the next round: France, England.

Teams that showed enough to give their fans cause for cautious optimism: Italy, Portugal.

Teams that deserved better luck (and perhaps easier qualifying groups): Ivory Coast, South Korea, Czech Republic.

A few words on England (since anyone who calls him/herself a fan of any EPL club must have some interest in the English national team): The saga of Rooney's metatarsus occupied far too many column inches than I had time for. The English have this strange ability to become fixated on one small bone in the foot of one player, rather disconcerting for a great civilisation that has given us Shakespeare and Colonial Imperialism. It's great that Ronney is back for England, who looked a sorry lot without him and a very-slightly-less-sorry lot with him. The team has been completely devoid of imagination and I think Sven's a bit of an idiot, but they have not lost yet, so who am I to say anything?

How it looks like it's shaking out:

The likely money is on: Germany vs Brazil in the finals, again. Or, if sheer talent can overcome home-ground advantage, Argentina vs Brazil.

Going out on a limb for a long-odds previous-winners finals: England vs Italy or Italy vs France.

The very long-odds non-previous-winner finals: Switzerland vs Spain or Ukraine vs Portugal.

Predictions to be updated as the round of 16 plays out.

So much for "crisis"

Manchester United is not in crisis and has not been in crisis at any point in the last few years since their last Premiership title. A team in the top 5 of the most widely watched soccer League in the world can never be said to be in crisis. And really, why all the talk about a crisis at Old Trafford? Sure, exiting the Champs League and drawing with Everton in the same week is less than ideal. But hardly a crisis.

Want to talk about crisis? Go have a chat with Harry Redknapp down in Portsmouth or poor old beleaguered Mick McCarthy and his seemingly doomed Sunderland outfit. These are teams elbow-deep in crisis.

Man Utd has had a rough time of late. That's about as apocalyptic a pronouncement as anyone can and should make about the team. Results in the Champions League have not been ideal, but their league form is more than decent. They had a bit of a kerfuffle over the Roy Keane thing, but this is one player in a squad brimming with internationals. I think they can survive the loss, and the repercussions of Keano's MUTV interview. As they proved this morning with a 4-0 trashing of Wigan, reports of their demise have been grossly exaggerated.

In the same spirit, Arsenal is not in crisis, despite their recent losing streak. They will survive the season with Premiership status guaranteed, which is more than can be said for many other teams at the wrong end of the table. They are still in the Champions League and still favoured to seal up one of the top 4 spots in the Premiership. Let us not forget that their two losses were to Boltin and Newcastle, two teams that have some reason to believe themselves capable of mixing it with the big boys. It is not a disgrace to lose to these teams. NOT a crisis.

Soccer is so transient that the prophets should really refrain from pronouncements of doom. Not too long ago, Frank Lampard was off-form, Chelsea was facing a player revolt, Everton was doomed to relegation and Charlton was second in the table. It's not even Christmas yet and see where they are now.

Even more normality (plus something less so)

This is what the top of the EPL looks like as of this moment:

1 Chelsea
2 Manchester United
3 Arsenal
4 Liverpool

I reckon soccer is like an economics system. There is a long run equilibrium which will ultimately be established. You get a few shocks and temporary equilibria, but in time, everything adjusts back to the long term state.

I just drew parallels between soccer and economics. Kill me now.

On a slightly more blasphemous note, let's talk Best. You know what, I was saddened by his death when I heard about it on the news last week. But now, a week later, I am starting to wonder if the extended mourning in the UK (especially in England) isn't going overboard.

In their own way, the British can be a rather sentimental lot. Witness the mourning over Princess Diana a few years back. George Best is not getting quite the same degree of posthumous adulation, but he is getting a lot more coverage and attention than seems warranted.

See, I understand the mourning by Man Utd fans, the one minute silence at Old Trafford, the respectful words pouring out of the Man Utd team. The man is after all a Man Utd legend.

But nation-wide press and media coverage for several days? One minute silences at all grounds? Am I missing something here? The man did not play for England, and yet the whole of England is supposed to be bereaved.

Maybe his talent transcends such piddling matters as club allegiance and national identity. People are mourning not the death of a Man Utd legend or a Nothern Ireland legend. They are just mourning the passing of a footballing genius. Fair enough, I suppose.

For me, though, it seems over-the-top that talent on the soccer field can inspire such depth of feeling in non-supporters. Especially when you consider the mess that his life was. I know it's fashionable in some circles to romanticise George Best's life as some sort of broken genius trapped in a glamourous decadence. Well, he was trapped, but it was not romantic and not glamourous and the sad thing is that he trapped himself. Addiction is a cruel disease, but it can be kicked. Paul Merson did it, Tony Adams did it. George Best got a liver transplant after he burnt his own liver through years of alcohol abuse. And then he continued drinking. For me, this kind of thing transcends his talent and his genius. The footballer was scintillating, the man was indisciplined and self-destructive. I could celebrate the footballer when he was alive, but I cannot mourn the man much in his death, when he brought it upon himself.

Perhaps there would be less hype if he had led a more exemplary life. Here's the crux: I don't think he is being mourned as much as the media coverage seems to suggest. It's all in the hype and George Best, in life and in death, was perfect hype-fodder.

Normal Service Resumed: EPL

Finally, after over 3 months, normality returns to the English Premier League. As of tonight, Chelsea is top of the table, followed by Manchester United and Arsenal. Admittedly, Wigan in 4th place and Bolton in 6th are rather anomalous, but the top three is at least familiar (and more importantly, a reflection of the relative quality of the teams).

It was rather disorienting seeing teams like Wigan and Charlton in the top 3. They had heart, skill and great strategy, but these were not teams that were ever going to set the world on fire. Whatever we say about the decline at Arsenal and the inconsistency of Man Utd, these are teams that can hold their own against the best of the Continent. We definitely cannot say that about Wigan or Charlon.

The cream is starting to rise to the top now. I do hope that teams like Charlton (increasingly unlikely), Wigan (possible) and Bolton (probable) can hang on to gain UEFA Cup qualification. The Champions League spots are rightly being fought out by the best teams in the land.

Who will be the fourth Champs League team? I doubt Wigan can hold on to fourth by the end of the season. Liverpool is doing better now, although only seventh in the table. The other very strong possibility is Tottenham Hotspurs, finally fulfilling their promise.

Pigs fly into space! Chelsea REALLY loses.

Okay, I concede that Chelsea's exit from the League Cup at the hands of Charlton was on penalties. Technically, the match itself was a draw. Fine, point accepted.

This morning's 1-0 result away at Real Betis is definitely a loss. It has finally happened.

This could set us up for a very interesting weekend. Man Utd might actually have a chance against a team that is rocking from a number of unexpected results. Depending on how things go tonight in Lille, the psychological edge might lie with Alex Feguson's men. This would not have been thinkable after last Saturday's results (Rio Ferdinand gifting 3 points to Middlesborough and Chelsea surviving a 2-2 half-time result to win by full-time). How quickly things change in football.

And what the heck, I AM gloating.