AI Top 11: A picture is worth ... not much in music??

I listened to the live TV sound feed first, before watching the show on tape later. It is always an interesting experiment to experience these contestants aurally, without the lights and flash of AI getting in the way. After all, this show involves people who are singing, even if “it is not a singing competition” (strike one for Peter Noone this week!). Impressions of the audio, followed by thoughts on the televised performances.

Haley: Tell Him

Audio: Is she prancing around a lot? She seems to be breathless during the chorus and sounded best during the slower verses. The "staccato" accents during the chorus lacks zing, but I think she just does not have the type of voice that would do staccatos well. She's more a legato type of singer. Some okay bits, but If This Was On The Radio (known as the ITWOTR rating), I would rate it: Switch Station.

Video: Holy Legs, Batman!! And Holy bared back! The singing is sort of secondary, isn't it? The girl is accentuating her positives with a vengeance. I am intensely fascinated by the resolutely in-place side-hems of her top - that's some mighty strong doublesided tape under there! I think her outfit, deserve its own voting line. 1800-IDOLS-WHOA.

Chris R: Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying

Audio: Chris does a slow ballad, with a simple guitar accompaniment in the opening bars. Still far too nasal for my liking, but the boy has good musical instincts, I will give him that. He does the "runs" (tm Randy) sparingly and keeps the song slow and sweet. The falsetto at the end is very, very nice; sounds better than his usual voice. Underneath the weak technique and the nasality, there might be a voice there. ITWOTR: Leave it on in the Background.

Video : He's got a guitarist sitting beside him on the stage. It reminds me of one of those figure skating exhibition programs with solo instrumentalists on the ice (Plushenko with a violinist?) I like this visual touch, although the close up on the guitar on the background screen is distracting. Chris doesn't try any interactions with the guitarist and I feel strangely robbed of a Rockstar: Supernova moment.

Stephanie: You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

Audio: Nadia Turner knocked this out of the park back in Season 4; Stephanie has her work cut for her, especially since it sounds like an almost identical arrangement as Nadia's. Ooh, she's shaky and running short of breath. She's a better singer than this! What is happening? She cracks on a high note and she's failing Vocal Technique 101 - Breath Support. Man, this is strange; she sounds so … untrained. ITWOTR: Switch Station.

Video: Love the blue strapless dress, she wears clothes really well.Great as she looks, it is not enough to distract us from the faltering vocals. I think she should have gone for full-out drama; big hair or purple and green sequined harem pants or something. It would have livened up the performance. Big hair is probably the secret to Diana Ross's career.

Blake: Time of the Season

Audio: He's beatboxing, but when he starts singing, he's using that very pleasant voice he sometimes lets us hear. It's gone within a few bars, reappears briefly then goes away again. The chorus is definitely better than the verses - why won't the boy sing consistently through a song? There's some beat-boxing again and then he's singing, not as strongly now and in fact, becomes very ragged. He sounds downright bad for a couple of lines but mercifully, the end is nigh and he wraps it up with some beat-boxing again. The triumph of this song is less the singing and more the arrangement; it has a cool updated retro sound to it. ITWOTR: Perk up and listen.

Video: Seeing this really helps enhance the enjoyment of the performance. Blake pulls off some dance moves and is very assured on stage. The fashion choice is puzzling; is he going for the 'preppy' look that ANTM tells us originated in England (thanks, Tyra!)?

Lakisha: Diamonds are Forever

Audio: The girl can sing, and she is assuredly in key and in control most of the time,bar a few low notes. But I am a little discomfited by this performance. For some reason, she sounds like around 4 different people, as she moves through her register. In one monotonic "forever", I even hear a different voice for each syllable. It's not so much inflection or phrasing, where you can still hear that there is one underlying voice. It sounds like 4 people inside her randomly popping up to sing selected phrases and words, or for that matter, syllables. ITWOTR: Check the reception.

Video: So, she chose this song so she could wear those diamonds? What a nice touch by the AI stylists. I wonder if they have security guards shadowing Lakisha. Great colour on the dress as well. But this is better listened to than watched. She is not quite connecting emotionally; I am not feeling it, dawg! There is something about her eyes that seems to be warding me off and telling me to keep my distance. I feel almost uncomfortably self-conscious - do I have bad breath or something ?

Phil: Tobacco Road

Audio: This is not the first song that comes to mind for Phil, but he is doing a commendable job. There are a few surprisingly mellow lower notes and within his comfort range, he sounds strong and confident. He is trying to rough up his voice to achieve some "edge". Again, he's not really that type of singer, so it is something of a failed experiment. Not bad, but no better than competent. ITWOTR: Leave it on in the background.

Video: Phil, please wear a hat. If you will not consider growing some hair back, I implore you to invest in any form of skull-covering gear. I’d even take a beanie and I was not too fond of those with Ace last year. I really cannot say what reaction I have to this visual performance because I simply cannot look at his head. At one stage, I look at the screen and see what looks like a giant sweat stain on his shirt although it might have been a pattern on the fabric.

Jordin: I, Who Have Nothing

Audio: Well, the girl is showcasing that beautiful voice to its best advantage! Not a pitch problem in sight (or within hearing). She sounds impassioned and does a proper 1960's wail. When she is properly focused, like now, she sounds sensationally good. ITWOTR: Turn the volume up.

Video: This does not seem so powerful when watched. I wonder why that is. She looks great with the straightened hair, and not at all too young or precocious to be singing this very grown-up song. She does not have any particularly annoying mannerisms when she sings apart from a few too-literal gestures miming the lyrics. Still, something about watching this is putting me off simply enjoying the excellent vocals. I cannot put my finger on it.

Sanjaya: You Really Got Me

Audio: Hahahahahaha … sorry, I don't think I am supposed to take this seriously, am I? I am not watching, but obviously, Sanjaya is doing something totally unexpected on stage. He's roaring and screaming and his voice drops off and picks up like he is engaging in some vigorous mike-handling or possibly head-banging? I imagine him doing some Bollywood moves, actually, which is horribly stereotypical but I just can't help it. Man, good on him for having a sense of humour and just throwing caution to the wind. Strange, wasn't that what Paula told him to do last week, to just let go and 'explode with his vocals', or something? Man, Sanjaya, of all the judges to listen to!! ITWOTR: Hahahahaha … I can't imagine hearing this on the radio, other than as a AI clip replay.

Video: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….. boy, Sanjaya might just get himself a place in the top 3 with this. It is so relentless horrible but in an utterly fantastic way. We are returning to AI’s roots – the bad auditions! – except on a much larger stage. He is prancing around and running into the audience and stalking on the catwalk and then, he sings into Paula’s face. The camera pans towards and settles on a tweener (obviously a plant) simply bawling her eyes out. So fitting to have a girl in tearful hysterics on British Invasion night. Sanjaya is stomping up a storm (of sheer awfulness) but the camera will not leave the poor crying girl. I feel torn between pity for the child and relief that I am temporarily spared from more of Sanjaya’s rock stylings. Just in time for the ending, the camera returns with him to the stage, where he does a little screaming bit that just about split my gut, so hard am I laughing. If this was a high school performance, he would get pelted off the stage. But on AI? He gets deafening cheers and an invitation from Ryan to hug the crying girl, thus cementing his place in the top 5. Did I not say this show is a circus?

Gina: Paint It Black

Audio: Very weird start to this, is she going overboard with the edgy thing? This song has a tune, Gina, let us hear it! I can see what she is trying to achieve, a sort of disaffected coolness before kicking into the hard-edged part with the thrumming chords. The problem is that she sounds flat and is singing tunelessly, slurring everything into a monotone. The slurring thing can be done and works wonderfully when done well, but she is not managing that. ITWOTR: Switch Station.

Video: Great, great haircut. Very nice indeed. Other than that, it is usual Gina, full of the right type of rocker attitude on stage. I still sense a little bit of awkwardness but I think she is a lot more comfortable now than she has been previously. Watching this helps make the vocals more enjoyable. Her outfit and her general demeanour helps to sell the song, and even her particular choice to modulate to the point of tunelessness seems to make more musical sense with these accompanying visuals.

Chris S: She's Not There

Audio: Thank goodness he sounds more animated tonight than he did last week. Nice work with the high notes and the sing-spoken chorus. It's a song that needs more attitude than actual aptitude and he manages it okay. ITWOTR: Listen till it ends.

Video: I still prefer to listen than to watch. He starts in the audience and works his way through the crowd, narrowly missing Simon on his way back to the stage. It is a good attempt at some audience interaction, but he is not really that type of performer. All the while, there is a certain lack of engagement about him on stage, although his singing voice sounds better than it has for a few weeks.

Melinda: As Long As He Needs Me

Audio: For the second week in a row, I wish she had chosen a different song, although I love Oliver and I love this song (which was also sung by Nadia Turner in S4). I just would like to see Melinda do something completely different. Does this song really qualify as British Invasion? But again, the AI rules appear to say it does. When the strings start up, I think maybe this is not such a bad song choice after all. After a string of dramatic slow songs in minor-key, preppy up-beat tunes and rock songs with strong rhythms, we hear this major-key Broadway tune which is immediately easy on the ear. This song choice might bore some people, but I think many might enjoy the change in pace. She sings it, as always, wonderfully well and with simplicity and heart. I think this would have worked better if they were doing broadway night. As it is, a performance that lacked the excitement of others who stuck more closely to the British Invasion theme, but vocally superlative. ITWOTR: Perk up and listen.

Video: What are the stylists up to with Melinda? Why are they putting her in these drab colours? As for the hair-cut, a younger look for sure, but not doing her particular facial frame any favours. She starts sitting down and then gets up and does her thing. It’s a bit static, but with her, there is always an emotional engagement and we can see it.

Judging the rest:

Lulu: Best. Guest. Ever. She was tres-cool and most of all, gave great and *useful* critiques to the girls.

Peter Noone: He did not seem to much like any of the boys, did he? He was no Lulu, but I didn’t hate him. He just seems too inconsequential for me to hate, really, with his slightly inane grin (or is that his permanent expression? I can’t tell!) and that rather overly larrikin-like demeanour.

Simon, Randy and Paula: Same old, same old.

Results show summary: Peter Noone sings; it is enjoyable enough but nothing to write home about. Ford video is tee-hee-inducing. Ryan “randomly” calls out people in groups of three. Phil is in the 2^nd group called safe and celebrates like he’s just become a father again. The third and last threesome (not that way!) comprises Sanjaya, Haley and Gina. They are safe and the bottom 2 are Stephanie and Chris Richardson. While the sweat over the result, Lulu tears up the stage with her signature tune. Then, sadly but not surprisingly, Stephanie is sent home.

American Idol Top 12: Back to the Kodak or Now with more hair!

American Idol is back! Well, it has been back for a good 2 months but the bloated audition and "top 24" episodes don't count. The real stuff is upon us- the final 12! Girls and boys mixing it up, group sings with manageable numbers but usually unmanageable choreography, Ford pimping music videos and best of all, theme nights!

I like the theme nights on AI even if the musical styles bear little relation to what any of the contestants would release on their eventual (or hypothetical) albums. Maybe it's because I prefer to watch this show purely for entertainment and am less invested in its "search for a superstar". That's not to say that AI is not a legitimate path for singers to get a foothold in the industry. More power to anyone who manages it. For me, though, after 5 seasons of this increasingly circus-like show, I just have to take it for what it is - a glossily produced reality TV program that is ultimately cheesy and insubstantial but irresistable nonetheless. Kind of like junk-food. No matter how many times Randy, Paula and Simon say it - this is NOT a singing competition, or at least, not primarily one. AI is a TV program served up weekly for our entertainment, with story arcs, characters to root for and characters to villify and its scripted moments of drama and comedy. It's preferable to be bad and memorable than to be good and boring.

Theme nights fit perfectly into my expectations for AI. What is more entertaining than hearing familiar old favourites being butchered (sometimes), karaoke-d (usually) or enhanced (seldom)? Theme nights give us suspense and speculation (who's going to sing what? can she hit that high note?), comedy (rocker boy takes on Broadway? emo balladeer tackles rock? Bwah!), hair and fashion critique (Disco night, where are the shiny pants and fros?) and the chance to play not only arm-chair critic but also arm-chair advisor (she should have done the Mary J version which suits her voice better, rather than the Aretha original!).

So. The first theme Night of the season- Diana Ross! See, AI always had this thing about guys singing girl songs. For whatever reason, it's a big no-no. They've had many male-singer nights - to name just a few: Elton John night, Elvis Presley Night, Queen night and Bee Gees night. There was Dianne Warren night back in Season 2, but she's a song writer not a singer. The girls can sing the entire Stevie Wonder ouevre (and yes, there was a Stevie Wonder night last year) and nary a raised eyebrow. But no guy has ever tackled Whitney, Mariah or Celine - and from the judge's comments this year, maybe no girls should either since "nobody can sing it better than Mariah/Celine/Whitney", which is just a little bit insulting to other singers that are not Mariah/Celine/Whitney.

But I digress from AI and the ground-breaking Diana Ross theme night. Whatever the show's discomfort with guys doing girl songs, six guys would just have to grit their teeth, gird their loins and carefully vet their lyrics for potential girliness. I think the guys got off easy, Ms Ross is undoubtedly a legend but as a singer, she was no Whitney/Mariah/Celine/Aretha/Chaka. (And as she proved on Results Night, she's no Diana Ross anymore, either). No impossible notes in the soprano stratosphere for anyone to reach.

On with the show! They are back at the Kodak theatre, where Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar just 3 weeks ago. Appropriately, before going "live" to the studio, they run a little segment lauding the stars discovered on AI - representing "Pop" is Grammy-winner Kelly Clarkson, coming to bat for "Country" is Grammy and CMA winner Carrie Underwood, in the "Rock" corner is multi-platinum recording artist Chris Daughtry, flying the flag for "Broadway" is Fantasia Barrino and finally, the cherry on the cake award to JHud and her gold statuette. Note the complete absence of any mention of Season 2 winner Ruben and last year's American Idol Taylor Hicks. I think it's rather ungracious of the show to leave them out. Not that the winners are exactly entitled to anything, but it is somewhat tacky not to acknowledge them. Still, as Ryan says, this! is! American Idol! and the occasional tackiness is part of the MO.

This! Is! American Idol! But not before 1 second of silence until someone in the sound studio woke up and turned on Ryan Seacrest's microphone. One minute in and might we have already encountered the best part of the show? This first Finals round is a 2-hour broadcast, and that's a lot more entertainment than AI might be able to cobble together from this tried and tested formula. 12 singers, 2 hours - that's about 7 minutes per contestant after taking out the ads and general introductory stuff. But they only sing for 90 seconds each, because we need time for the pre-song taped segment (Meeting Diana Ross, singing for Diana, Diana opines, telling the audience "hope you enjoy it as much I do") the judges' comments (buffer of 30 seconds per contestant for booing Simon). And of course, the scripted (or otherwise) nudge-wink "banter" between Simon and Ryan.

Ryan hyperboles about the show, the top 12 and the judges. After five seasons and counting, I expect the judges to dress as such: Randy in something loud and/or inexplicable, Paula in something that bares cleavage or looks like the losing design in one of Project Runway's "creative challenges" (eg. the recycling one), and Simon to be in grey, white or black. Everyone obliges my sweeping generalisations. More hyperboles (although probably justified) about Diana Ross's career. No matter what people say, I still think Dreamgirls is about Diana Ross and the Supremes. I am reminded again that she did "diva" better than anyone but was a competent singer at best. The constestants look varyingly awed and terrified, which could be over Ms Ross's reputation for crazed divaism or maybe it was just her hair. I mean, how does she get so much sheer volume into that mass? Insane amounts of backcombing? Perming a natural afro?

Finally, the contestants get to sing!

In the unenviable first spot is Brandon Rogers, background vocalist to the stars. Cute guy, not a bad voice but unimpressive so far. His best performance was that little bit of ivory tinkling he did - Chopin, I think - during the semi-finals. He's doing "Can't Hurry Love", a catchy song with a good hook. I remember Simon telling him last week that he could be eliminatied because his song was not melodic enough. So, he's off to a better start with his song choice at least. Then it sort of goes downhill. Just listening to this performance, it is not bad although not stellar by any means. A few cracked notes aside, his voice is pleasant enough. As a visual performance, this is a mess. His movements are self-conscious and he seems disconnected from what he is singing. Then we get to watch him have a complete mind-freeze on stage; he forgets the lyrics, shakes his head, smiles and does not even try to cover up! Oy. A few measures too late, he regains his place and finishes off, going for a big last note to compensate. The whole performance, even without the flubbed lyrics, was lack-lustre and erring on the side of boring.

Before we get to the next bit of singing, Ryan and Simon engage in a truly embarassing exchange about high-heels and closets. I don't even know if it is homophobic or gay-friendly, or subversively one or the other. I tend to think it's just dumb. Closet jokes can be done well; I still laugh When I think of South Park's Scientology episode which had Tom Cruise literally inside a closet and various characters repeating the refrain "Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!". This stuff between Ryan and Simon is just stupid and not even very funny.

But back to the singing.

Melinda Doolittle is next, shy background vocalist striking out of her comfort zone. Battle of the BGVs? Can you really call it a battle when one has a light-sabre at her disposal while the other has a blunt pen-knife? One of the front-runners, and for once, I agree with the judges on that. I really liked her initial audition and her "My Funny Valentine" in the 2nd week of the semi-finals was revelatory. Tonight, she is singing "Home" from "The Wiz". It's one of those songs that I know, but never remember. I recognize it when I hear it, but it is so unmemorable I could not hum it for the life of me. Not thrilled with this song choice, and for 10 seconds, it seems Melinda has really sabotaged herself with a bad song. She also seems a little nervous and there is a tiny hint of shaking in her voice. Then, suddenly, a magical phrase and she is off into her zone. It is something to behold. This song does not really throb and swell as much as it meanders with some crescendoes. Somehow, she coaxes emotion and grandeur from it, just standing there with her voice, phrasing and feeling. The music builds - since when does this song build? - seemingly on the strength of her phrasing alone, and she ends on a cathartic climax which the song by itself certainly does not possess. It is like a twelf-tone piece turned into a major-key Tchaikovsky string serenade. I am not sure how that works, but it just happened. Whew. And wow.

Then it was the turn of Chris Sligh, early fan favourite with the corkscrew afro and his quip about making David Hasselhoff cry. After the semi-finals and a mishandled wisecrack about Il Divo and the Teletubbies the lustre has gone off his shine somewhat. His attempts at humour appear to be more strained and effortful now. He has the strongest voice among the guys, but he is a strangely unengaging performer. I liked him a lot during his audition, but his song choices have been less than interesting since then. Tonight, he sings a "tricked-up" arrangement of that cheesy chestnut "Endless Love". The beats start in the background and I fear for what is to come. Shades of Coldplay, as Randy will accurately call it. I don't know what to make of it. He sounds okay in that he has a rich voice and he is singing within a register that is comfortable for him. But the arrangement is so strange and so lacking in dynamics that the song seems to be heading nowhere melodically. He is also singing in a flat, almost diaffected manner, just hammering out the notes, in key but no phrasing to speak of. A few repetitive phrases, one longer-held note and the song suddenly ends. In review, not necessarily bad, just weird and not even interestingly weird.

Next up is Gina Glocksen, repeat audiotionee and edgy rock girl with a crush on Simon. Judging by her song and wardrobe choices in the first 2 semi rounds, maybe she's not such a rock girl after all. Still, this is AI: the TV show, and everyone has a unique role to play. Gina got stuck with the "token female rocker" character that was scripted before auditions began. She is singing "Love Child", a good song for her as it lets her stay firmly in the box that AI has lovingly built and hand-painted for her. She is clearly straining on her higher notes and is almost unintelligible. I can't tell if she is not "pronunciating" (per Ms Ross) or if the band is just too loud or my speakers not properly balanced. She just sounds "muddy". She is also unpolished on stage, like she is at the same time over and under rehearsed. Not a great performance, but it prompts one of the all time great Paula Abdul WTF comments - "Love Child is a great, feel-good song!". "Love Child" with its lyrics about being "born in poverty, never meant to be, scorned by society" is a feel-good song!

Oh man. Sanjaya Malakar, inconceivably popular child out his depth. Pawn of AI's "dramatic elimination" announcements for weeks. He's not that bad to listen to, but watching him on stage is painful. He seems so sweet and nice that hating on him is like torturing a puppy. Even Paula has not managed to say anything nice about his singing, although everyone agrees that he is a great kid. He has the VTFW vote, and is the focus of a Howard Stern-led voting campaign. I think the kid will be around for a while, even if he wants to go home (and many, many Americans probably share that wish, but it's not up to them - there's only so much you can do by NOT voting when his fanbase and the anti-AI factions are hard at it). His choice tonight is "Ain't no Mountain High Enough", a song with plenty of potential for raising up a storm. Except Sanjaya barely manages a gentle wisp of breeze. About the most hair-raising thing about him is his hair, tonight a mop of unruly curls like he just stepped out from an illustrated book about shipwrecked Victorian children. He's does not sound altogether horrendous, and we have heard worse performances from people in previous seasons who lasted into the Top 6 and beyond. But as a performance, this is downright uncomfortable to watch. His eyes are darting crazily and glazed over, probably in terror, but it has the unfortunate effect of making him seem deranged. The face-splitting smile does not help either; coupled with the hair, he looks like the really scary clown that visits your nightmares. I am creeped out, despite reminding myself he is just a 17 year old kid. I wish the judges had not put him in the Top 24 in the first place. He is just clearly not experienced enough and at this stage, not good enough.

On the stage steps Haley Scarnato, pretty wedding singer with the Disney princess voice. I like the sweetness of her voice but she hasn't exactly set the stage on fire. She's like great wall-paper. It catches your eye when you are shopping, once in a while you appreciate that it's superiod wall-paper and pleasant to have in the background but you don't really think about it most of the time. That's Haley for me. Pretty girl, pretty voice, ultimately unmemorable. She is singing "Missing You" which Diana tells us is a song originally dedicated to the just-deceased Marvin Gaye. In other words, deep song, feel the lyrics. Haley does a serviceable job at first, although she seems emotionally disconnected from the lyrics. The music is also drowning her, as it did during the semi-final rounds, but it is still in okay territory. Then, the brain freeze virus catches and she is humming and melisma-ing her way through dropped lyrics. It is a jarring break of mood and her pitch wavers as she struggles for composure. She covers it up better than Brandon did but the performance is failing and you can tell that she knows it. She just cannot get back on the right key until the very end, when she pushes for a big finish and just about pulls it off.

Here is Phil Stacy, dad who missed his 3rd-born's birth because he was at the AI auditions. Also, bald guy who really should think about growing back his hair. And poor starter, strong finisher when he sings except when he is poor starter AND poor finisher, like last week. He does "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" and I just switch off. Not sure why, but my attention is drawn to the newspaper lying on the coffee-table, and I suddenly feel like going to the kitchen for a glass of water. He sings on in the background, perfectly pleasant and perfectly unexciting. When I come back from the kitchen, he is still singing and is now in the part of his voice where he sounds best; bright ringing notes and clear tone. He is less bug-eyed tonight; effort or just not trying too hard? Then he finishes up while I am figuring out his reduced bug-eyed contrast ratio, and I realise I heard his entire performance without registering much of it at all. Bad Phil, you are supposed to entertain me! If you cannot be amazing, then be outright bad or strange or something other than bland!

Someone who can bring on the amazing is Lakisha Jones, bank-worker, single-mother and another early front-runner. I like how her name is diva-ready; Maria Callas was La Divina, Joan Sutherland was La Stupenda; Kiki has her very own signature LaKisha! Of course, she does not appear at all diva-like, far less so than any of the diva-threesome of Season 3, and even they were not that diva-like. This lady can sing and I really like her ability to show restraint and not confuse oversinging with emoting; unlike most, my favourite performance of hers is her superbly controlled version of "I have nothing" and I found her much-lauded "And I am telling you" to be oversung and emotionally flat at the same time. Tonight, she cheats on the Diana Ross theme and sings "God Bless the Child" which is a Billie Holiday song that Ms Ross sang when she played Lady Day in "Lady Sings the Blues". Since the rules of AI, such as they are, allowed Lakisha to do this, good on her for picking a song that showcases her voice and interpretive abilities. Her voice sounds spectacular, very rich and nuanced and on certain notes, possessed of a beautiful warm tone. She is also holding back and not going for the big belted notes. It serves the song well and gives it the right meditative quality. I would not call it the most original version of the song that I have ever heard, but she certainly sounds marvelous, the best I have ever heard her sound, and that is saying something.

Then we have Blake Lewis, beat-boxer and occupant of this year's "most contemporary sounding" box. There is a certain boy-bandish quality about the way he looks and sounds, but I think he does sing somewhat better than your average boy-band member. He has certainly been interesting in the semi-final rounds, even bamboozling the judges over whether he is original or too much of a copycat. I would not say that his style is entirely to my taste, but I hope he sticks around because he is capable of surprising us and not in the usual AI WTH??? way. Ala Chris Sligh, he is singing a souped-up electro-beat arrangement of "Keep Me Hangin' On". I like this a lot more than what Sligh did. This song just lends itself better to this tripped-up treatment than Endless Love does. Sadly, he is not singing strongly, in fact, his voice is sort of getting lost in the arrangement and for once, it has nothing to do with the band being too loud. He seems to be not completelysure of himself vocally in the way that he has been when on stage. I don't think the unfocused singing necessarily has anything to do with the arrangement at all; as arranged, there is opportunity to showcase his singing abilities but he is not taking advantage of that in this performance. Perhaps he needs more rehearsal time or something?? Still, I think it is one of the more interesting performances of the night.

We are now visiting with Stephanie Edwards, upgraded and improved model of Fantasia Barrino - in my book, both in terms of voice and appearance. She survived the semi-finals despite zero face-time before Hollywood. Good for her. She sometimes gets lost in this season's diva shuffle but she is a fine singer and a darned striking young lady. Tonight, she is attempting to "start sexy and build" (per Ms Ross, again) on "Love Hangover". It's one of those 70's songs that I really don't get. It has a good hook but you only get there after listening to verse upon verse of nothing very melodious. The hook does not last very long before you get back to the tuneless verse stuff again. Just weird. Anyway, Stephanie tackles this non-song and does her best with the verses, exuding laid-back ease and smoulder. We wait for the hook and it does not come. She is still slinkily gliding through verses. Then, she forgets her lyrics but gets the night's prize for best cover-up and recovery. You could hardly tell that anything went wrong, so professionally is she going about finishing her song. Except that it never gets to the hook at all. I think she sang well and followed the "start sexy" instruction to a T. But this arrangement gives her nothing to build from once she started sexy. So it ends rather as it had begun.

Next up is Chris Richardson, so-called Timberlake-lookalike and this year's "modern yet versatile" castmember. I think he looks nothing like Justin Timberlake. If anything, he reminds me very strongly of David Beckham circa 2001/02, when Becks was spotting the expensive crew-cut look. Chris's eyes and cheekbones are very reminiscent of a younger Beckham. I have a bit of a soft spot for Chris the person, but wish I like him better as a singer. He seems like the nicest guy and I like his demeanour when he is receiving the judge's comments, good or bad. His singing, on the other hand, is weak and his voice entirely too nasal for my taste. Fortunately for him, he gets by because he is a confident performer and he is extremely likeable, which is about as much as you can say about many major artistes. Tonight, he tackles "The Boss" and exhibits every vocal quirk that makes me dislike his singing. He goes off-key more than once, he sounds like he is singing through his nose while nursing a cold and he gets a whiny tone in his high notes. His phrasing is interesting, though, and he makes some nice choices in putting together this performance. I might not care for his voice, and I think he needs spades of vocal training to get his basic technique up to mark, but I appreciate his willingness to stretch himself musically.
Finally, after what seems like a lot more than 2 hours, Ryan welcomes the final contestant,

Jordin Spark, teenage giantess who probably gives Sanjaya hair-envy. She is charmingly girlish, bubbly and entirely as a 17 year old should be, and less annoying than many 17 year old girls. She sings "If We Hold On Together" and I let go a little Awww. It's that lovely, but really trite, song from the cartoon movie "The Land Before Time", with the cute baby dinosaurs. Cute in the way that Jordin is cute, all large eyes and innocence, and awkwardly growing into their large boned frames. Jordin has a big voice and a beautiful vocal tone, but she is not always the surest of singers. She struggles a little on her low notes and her pitch wobbles here and there. Still, she is selling the song and really singing her heart out. It is difficult not to get swept up in it and just sing and smile along with her. This is probably the feel-good performance of the night, despite not being a snap-your-fingers-to-the-beat type of song. It is a celebration of the child inside us, while it lasts. Later, we can go back to being cold and cynical, but for 90 seconds, we can just daydream of baby dinosaurs with Bambi eyes.

And so, 12 performances and 120 minutes later, the credits roll. But not before Ryan tells us to watch the result show, where Diana Ross herself will perform.

Results show: The one paragraph summary

The group sing has (gasp!) choreography that requires acting! It's predictably cheesy and bad despite the kids singing pretty good Diana Ross songs that a few of them should have sung last night, maybe. The Ford music video is (aaaargh!) ghastly, but in that great way that we have become accustomed to. Diana Ross puts in a special guest performance that is at the same time fabulous and excruciatingly bad. Lady was a competent singer at best and is now considerably less than best. The judges give her a standing ovation because the script says they have to. Bottom 3: Sanjaya, Brandon and Phil. Bottom 2: Sanjaya and Brandon. Going home: Brandon. Not looking too happy in the audience: Sanjaya's mother. Brandon wastes too much time talking to Ryan about his wonderful AI experience, and the show goes off-air before he gets to his sing-off. Well, at least his family and the people at the Kodak get to hear him. I hope he remembers his lyrics this time.