Prepare to Cringe: Jazz on SI

Listening, not watching. Stream of consciousness post, as they sing.

Jay: Have you met Miss Jones?
The Bridget Jones song! Sounds nice, vocally spot on. A little studied - the second chorus did not vary much from the first, right down to the phrasing. Seems to be having fun, but the boy can't swing. Dick is a little harsh, I think, although not inaccurate.

Rahimah: Dream a little dream
Hmm, what a weird song to choose for our rocker chick. Sounds breathy, weird phrasing. Song totally not suited for her voice. Not tender enough. Ken is really intent on pigeon-holing her as the angsty rock teenager, ala Avril Lavigne. What kind of artistic growth will she have under his management?? Run, Rahimah, run!

Joakim: You Send Me
Hey, Taylor did this on AI. Bad song choice - if he bombs, people will be saying he was asking for it : "You Send Me ... Home". Vocally, huge improvement over last couple of weeks. Lacks power, dynamically flat but fewer rough spots than I expected. Awww, the boy is so grateful to Florence for her encouragement. Wow, Ken is way overboard with the harsh critique. It was not that bad.

Hady: I've Got You Under My Skin
Oooh, cool song! The ultimate rat-packer song. He's doing a modern, almost R&B-ized version. Interesting phrasing and improv (true to the spirit of the genre). Voice seems a bit rough (sore throat, perhaps?), but very well done overall. Hmm, is Ken playing the constructive criticism card or was he writing Hady off with that comment?

Emilee: Let's Make Whoopee
Ahh, the flirty, sexy song. Wonder what she's wearing? Sounds a little under-energised to me, but the song suits the kind of edge she has in her voice. For once, she sounds less Chinese than she usually does. Ja said something constructive! What is Ken on about? Why should she "understand the jazz genre"? Talk about putting people into boxes. She might have a lounge singer image, but the girl is a R&B singer!

Paul: Moondance
The song that shot Taufik to front-runner status (IMO) last season! Not as smooth and suave as I usually like to hear this song. Again, very strange phrasing, but distinctively Paul, I suppose. No noticeable pitch problems, big improvement from last week. I think this was emo-boy doing jazz, which was a strangely successful experiment. Ooh, Ken gives good advice about using his natural sincerity.

Jonathan: Kissing a Fool
George Michael!?! But cool modern jazz song. Wow, showing unexpected range here. Okay, settling into some of his usual rock edginess. Ahh, high notes quite well controlled, whew! An unexpectedly strong showing from him in a genre that I did not expect him to necessarilt excel at. Wow, Ja just admitted to being biased towards him! Ken is definitely playing the constructive criticism card, despite calling it a disaster.

Jasmine: Almost Being in Love
From Brigadoon. The other Jasmine, J. Trias from AI3 destroyed this a couple of years back. Started okay, sounded quite clear and strong. Ooops, spoke too soon; she's getting a little broad and squally here. Her voice just needs more training. Still, big improvement from last week's complete mess. Ken is being kind to the teenager, but not making much sense. If she didn't choose Sinatra, who should she have chosen? Nobody in the jazz catalogue is going to be a fit for Jasmine. Besides, Sinatra has sung practically all the jazz standards and many of the newer compositions as well.

Nurul: The Way you Look Tonight
Michael Buble's TWYLT? Huh, my dear Nurul, this has been performed by a million people before Buble got his hand on it. Great song, also previously destroyed by Jasmine Trias. Breathiness apparent. Okay, she's singing the Buble arrangement, I suppose, less jazz and more like elevator/lounge music. Don't care for this treatment at all - too much saxophone and not enough bass. Vocally okay, but interesting to me. Judges' comments are also somewhat blah. I think they know she's not long for this competition.

Matilda: Feeling Good
Buble again?? Feeling Good is not a Buble song!! Kids, listen to more jazz by REAL jazz singers, please! Ooh, jazz gets the Mariah divaesque treatment from Matilda. This arrangement is far, far too Vegas / cabaret for my liking, distracting me from her vocals. Wow, this is vocally the most challenging song of the night. She shows she can sing up a storm, and there is some warmth to her voice tonight. But is it too much show-off again? Ja makes really good sense on wanting less drama from her. Ken said practically the same thing, strangely enough.

Oli is on tomorrow night!! Yay! Hope she does jazz, she did a really cool version of Fever last season when they had Classics and Big Band night.

Memorable Moments from the WC Finals 2006: France vs Italy

Again, these are not necessarily about the football being played on the field. I did watch the match and I thought it was smashing, but somehow seemed to remember things that were not entirely about the football.

a) Pre-match singing of national anthems. The expression on each player's face was a miniature tale of emotions, hopes and resolve.

b) PLACIDO DOMINGO singing during half time!! PLACIDO DOMINGO, I tell you! That was just such a great, wonderful, completely unexpected treat.

c) Repeated close-ups of the special golden balls made in Germany just for the finals. Kudos to the camera-persons.

d) Thierry Henry's karate-slice action when ruing a missed chance in the second-half. I don't know why, but it made me laugh.

e) The Italian teams' 'family portrait pose' when watching the penalty kicks. Emotions were starkly on display, compared to the comparatively cooler countenance of the French (although I am sure both sets of players were equally on edge).

f) The on-field hair-cut given to Argentina-born Azzuri, Camoneresi (sp??). It was actually not a bad cut for something done with what looked like kitchen scissors.

g) Yeah, yeah, I guess I have to mention the Zidane head butt incident. It was actually quite comical, if you ask me. He squared up to Materazzi like he was about to execute the world's most obvious feel-up, then boink! Sorry, that was high comedy for a few seconds.

h) The slow-mo replay of the other players' reactions when Grosso slotted in the last penalty. The slumped shoulders of the French, the screaming relief and joy of the Italians. It just demanded operatic music in the background.

i) Italy winning the World Cup! I cannot be unbiased - I have supported Italy in World Cups since 1994, when Roberto Baggio came so close to winning it but failed from the penalty spot. 12 years later, they win it on penalties. Not quite poetic justice, but it's something anyway, and immensely satisfying.

10 Great Things about a France vs Italy final

Most of these have nothing to do with football. For that matter, I am not even referring to the particular France vs Italy match that was the WC 2006 final played on Sunday night (that will come in another post). France vs Italy is just great generally because:

1) Both teams are The Blues. This is a gold-mine for arm-chair comedians to crack blue jokes.

2) Best. National Anthems. Ever. The Italian anthem is like a stirring Verdian march (although admittedly, not top-grade Verdi; Google reveals that the composer of the Italian anthem is one Michele Novaro who had no other claim to fame) and of course, France has the great Le Marseillaise which is the most impassioned paean to patriotism in the world (and a piece of music distinguished by an arrangement by the great Hector Berlioz).

3) France has Paris. Italy has Milan. The boys would be well-kitted out, both on the field and off.

4) They usually do travelogues of the two countries as background "colour" before the match. When the two countries are France and Italy, the travelogues cannot be less than gorgeous.

5) France: French breads and pastries, crepes. Italy: Pizza, pasta, olives, cannoli. Yummmmm.

6) The post-match interviews will sound impossibly romantic to those of us who do not understand either languages. Not knocking Spanish or Portuegese, but it would not have been quite the same if it was a Argentina vs Brazil match-up. Never mind if Germany was one of the teams.

7) English commentators with plummy accents twist their tongues attempting to sound authentic when pronouncing the players' names: "Zahm-brou-tah" or "Ah-bi-ni-ahl". They usually come across a fair few awkward ones during their weekly EPL assignments, but having 22 of these on the field can only mean a few hilariously wince-worthy moments for us.

8) We are bound to get some enjoyable singing from the fans of both countries during half-time, and whoever wins, in the post-match celebrations. These are countries with proud musical traditions.

9) The stadium will look GREAT with both sets of fans decked out in blue and/or white and waving the pleasingly almost-symmetrical tri-coloured flags of both countries.

10) In recent years, France vs Italy has usually meant seeing Buffon vs Barthez in the battle of the goalkeepers; one has a name that sounds clownish and the other often looks like a clown and sometimes goal-keeps like one.

World Cup rant: The Brazil Love Affair

I am getting sick and tired of sports journalists crying into their cups/glasses/assorted beverage receptacles over the departure of Brazil from the World Cup. With Brazil's elimination, it seems that that the tournament has lost its chance to have a star illuminate the canvas, as Pele and Maradona once did. Apparently, the absence of a Latin American team in the semi-finals meant that "the party has suddenly gone flat", as one commentator pontificated in today's TODAY paper.

Sorry, but have these people been watching the same tournament as us? Sure, it would have been great it Ronaldinho & Co. had stuck around, but only if they had been playing the way they do for their clubs. Patently, they were not. Brazil were underperforming, and in the 5 matches they played in this World Cup, they came nowhere close to exciting the senses or sending the neutral spectator into raptures.

Enough with this idolatry of a team which is far lesser than the sum of its parts. As a football lover, I wanted Brazil's famed quartet to make our hearts sing and our pulses quicken. On the rare occasion, they almost did but never has so much promise delivered so little. The exit of this Brazil team playing with this little inspiration is NOT a great tragedy. The tournament would not be the poorer for it.

This bemoaning of Brazil's loss detracts from the tournament's true unfortunate casualty - Argentina. This was the team that showed the flair of Latin American football, the sheer joy of movement, the gasp-inducing feats of deft touches, delicate flicks and of course, the ubiquitous back-heel. In the end, they were stymied when they reverted against type (and instinct), but their collective World Cup display had won them fans, or at least indifference from traditional Argentina-haters. This year's Brazil might not have lost fans, but certainly did not convert the neutral.

Let us not forget that there is one semi-finalist that played as we would have liked Brazil to have played. I speak of Brazil's conqueror - France. Sure, we lost Brazil and with them, the potential for pyrotechnics from the three R's, Adriano and Kaka. But in losing Brazil, we got France and the pyrotechnics have already been on full display from their resident magician, Zidane.

To those Brazil-blinkered journalists, is Zidane's virtuosity somewhat lessened by not being South American? If Ronaldinho had played as Zidane had in the last 2 matches, I have a feeling these same journalists would be hailing his contribution as being on par with Maradona's 1986 heroics. Surely a great performance is a great performance, whichever country the player is from?

If there is a school of thought that South Americans have a genetic birth-right denied to others, well, there will be a Brazillian in the semi-finals. Portugal's Deco was born in Brazil and even spots the trademark single moniker. Big Phil Scolari, Portugal's coach is of course Brazillian, and some of his essential Brazillian-ness might rub of on the team. Heck, at the risk of dredging up ugly colonial history, let me point out that Portugal settled Brazil ages ago and a great many Brazillian footballers probably have some Portuguese genes in them.

If people need the Brazillian ideal in order to wax rhapsodic over the "People's Game", Portugal is the ready-made stand-in. For me, what I mourn is not Brazil's exit, but the fact that the Brazil that we hoped to see simply did not turn up. Of the eight quarterfinalists, Brazil put up the 2nd worst performance (only second to Ukraine who were hopelessly outclassed). There was no injustice in their exit; only the most churlish would deny that France outplayed them comprehensively and were not only more tactically sound, but also more attractive on the eye. To me, that is the ultimate indictment of this Brazillian team; that they were ultimately rather dull.

But no duller than journalists who resort to the cliches of South Americans as romantic artists and Europeans as pragmatic artisans. The last great "artistic" Brazillian team was the one in WC 1982. They were superlatively entertaining and did not win the title. Since then, Brazil has been hard-nosed, professional and as pragmatic as any German team. As a corollary, Europe has had its share of entertaining teams that played beautiful football - primarily the Dutch teams in the Cruyff days and more recently in 1998 (their quarter-final against Argentina, to me, remains a World Cup classic), and of course, the free-flowing France of the golden generation. To stick doggedly to the LatAm-Europe dichotomy is just plain LAZY journalism.

Rant over. Next - football commentators and the Dread of Dead-Air.