Phobias and Inner Demons

I had to visit the dentist last night. Now, my dentist is great; friendly, mild-mannered and not at all the type to strike fear in anyone. Still, I can't help but get tense just at the thought of seeing her. The sound of that drill alone is enough to give me an instant stomache ulcer. Without realising it, I spend most of the time in the waiting room like a very tightly wound coiled spring.

A phobia is a strange thing. The rational part of the mind knows that the fear is unreasonable and usually unfounded. Yet, the fear is a instinctive reaction and just comes upon you, no matter how much you rationalise. I think the scientific journals may have a perfectly good explanation for it (perhaps something to do with the synapses in our brains?), but I wonder how much of it is psychological as well?

For instance, I fear dentists. At the same time, one of my oft-recurring bad dreams is one where my back teeth fall out due to incessant grinding on my part. The dream books say that dreaming about losing one's teeth symbolises fear of death. I don't know, I certainly don't think I fear death any more than the next person. I rather suspect that the phobia and the dream are linked and may indicate some underlying psychological fear of pain (or perhaps something deeper, like a fear of being made "less whole", as the actions of "drilling" and "losing" may suggest).

Wow, this has been a downer so far! Do I really need to make a phobia worse by endlessly trying to analyse it? Instead of overthinking, I will, of course, make a list, since that is my current modus operandi.


Phobias (or Things that would cause me to lose on Fear Factor)

• Rats (especially black ones - I am having the shivers just thinking about them!)
• Large house lizards. Strangely, this phobia does not extend to really large reptiles like iguanas and crocodiles. I just can't stand the larger-sized house lizards with their damp scaly skins. Yuks!
• Birds. Okay, it's not like I run away screaming whenever I see one. I do tolerably well with birds in cages, seagulls on the beach, even those darned pigeons in public places, as long as there are people around. What I really fear is when they start swooping towards me with their sharp beaks and claws. Or when I am the only human person around and vulnerable to their attacks, if they were the human-attacking type. I think ultimately, my fear of birds is about the claws and beaks.
• Dentists. Well, I have covered that one.
• Monkeys. This one goes back to a childhood experience in Penang's Botanical Gardens (not sure if it's the right name, but it's a big park). I was carrying a bad of fruit and kindly offering a rambutan to a monkey when the greedy bugger suddenly summoned his family and they made a grab for the bag. It was an ambush! I can still remember their shrewd eyes and very nimble fingers. I know they are our closest evolutionary cousins; no wonder I don't trust them!
  
• Dirty public toilets. Singapore is rather blessed that this isn't so much of a problem anymore.

Hmmm ... rather many animal related phobias in that list. I wonder if that says something about my essentially urban upbringing, or perhaps my innate introversion. Enough with the over-analysis! It may not mean anything at all. For one thing, I don't fear all animals. I am fine with cockroaches, worms, slugs, bees and dogs, which are objects of fear for many people.

Phobias: Nurture or Nature? A bit of both, perhaps.