AI Top 6: Inspiration, Desperation and Exaggeration

Tonight is the first of the two-part extravaganza that it Idol Gives Back. Hey, I think it's great that money will be raised and that this will go some way to helping those who live in poverty. It's almost hard to be cynical about this when there is such an obviously good cause that will benefit from this week's episodes. But my heart is suitably cold and shriveled. It's not so much Idol that is giving back, after all, but Idol getting Americans to give and taking all the credit for it. If the show donated the advertising revenue from just one episode, that would be Idol Giving Back.

Anyway, on to the show. Lots of heart-string-tugging clips tonight. Ryan in Africa, Simon at a foodbank, you get the idea. Okay, it is hard to be cynical about these scenes, when the kids are looking all innocent and wide-eyed and you just want to scream at capitalistic excesses (Idol, anyone?) and the unfairness of disparate standards (again, Idol, anyone?).

But one can always be cynical about the performances and the judges, so let's just get to the good part. This week's theme? Inspirational songs, or "life anthems". I hope that phrase does not catch on.

Chris sings "Change the World", a song which brings to mind Singapore Idol (I think it was sung as a medley in the Grand Finale). It's a scandalous association, of course, since the song was originally sung by the iconic Eric Clapton. But there you have it, I hear the whole "You can change the wo-orld" refrain and I think of Christopher Michael Lee and Daphne Khoo and the rest of the SI1 gang. Clapton would be mortified. Anyway, back to Chris. He starts on a stool and negotiates the first phrases carefully, placing his voice properly to avoid the nasality that caused such a kerfuffle last week. He sounds good, for Chris. Not fantastic, since he has a chronic distaste of holding a note for longer than 1 second and the ever-present pitch problems are evident. Still, better than last week by a mile. Then he stands up and it all goes to hell. He starts singing from the side of his mouth again and his voice is coming out through his nose and he is doing that same, darn move he always does on stage AGAIN. He recovers at the end, and sounds pretty alright again, but that middle part was just bleagh. The judges are weirdly complimentary and I start to believe the conspiracy theorists claiming Chris to be a Chosen One.

Melinda does Faith Hill's "There will Come a Day", a song completely unfamiliar to me. She has kept last week's hair extensions (or is it a wig?) and looks smashing; that hairstyle is truly flattering on her. Melinda is Melinda, and I make no secret of the fact that I am a fan. She is in total control of her instrument and can therefore pay attention to trifling matters such as phrasing, lyrics and interpretation. The band is annoyingly loud and over the top during the chorus, but she shows what she is made of by soaring above them. It is beautifully sung and heartfelt. The judges love her, but I am irritated by an almost dismissive tone to their praise. It's like "you are a pro and you did good, like I expect you to." Anyone else sings like this and they would be falling over themselves to hail the next coming of Fantasia or Carrie.

Blake takes on the immortal "Imagine" composed and sung by John Lennon. One of the most familiar songs of the 20th century, and one which has received the Idol treatment before. Blake approaches this with no frills, no beatboxing, no tricked up rhythms, no cool arrangement; just a straight up rendition of a classic song. That voice that I want to hear is coming out to play and he sounds like the Blake we heard in the semis. It's not a stellar vocal and he loses control over a couple of notes. This will not erase memories of John Lennon, but I like what he is doing. It is a performance that respects the song lyrically and musically. The judges are divided, with Randy being a bit of an idiot (not the last time he will be one tonight) by wanting more out of Blake, Paula being frighteningly the one I agree most with, and Simon giving praise that is not qute praise.

LaKisha sings that god-awful coronation song "I Believe". Fantasia was saddled with this as her first single when she won Season 3. This is just a bad, bad song. It might even be the worst of all the coronation songs unleashed by the show. LaKisha is singing it very well and sounds better and more controlled than she has since her Top 12 performance of "God Bless the Child". She clearly identifies with the song and is inspired (drink!) by it. It is an emotional, heartfelt performance of an emotionally empty song. I don't know; I can admire the singing but I cannot get past the sheer awfulness of the song. The judges are probably drunk and declare Fantasia to be a non-touchable, an honour which they had herethereto conferred upon the likes of Mariah, Whitney and Aretha. Seriously? For what it's worth, I hate the screechy tone of Fantasia's voice but I think the song worked for her because of the specific context of her winning Idol. LaKisha's voice is far more pleasing to my ear, but there is no way she can make a silk purse out of this sow's ear. On a more positive note, to risk sounding like Paula, her make-up is wonderful and I think this is the best she has looked all season.

Phil sings Garth Brook's "The Change". He is truly embracing the country theme that got earned him unprecedented praise from Simon last week. Well, that's Phil for you. Nothing if not over-eager to please. He manages to carefully mention Oklahoma (twice!) in his pre-song bit. Trying to nail down his geographic demographic? Anyway, he is hatless again tonight which is immediately NOT a good footing to start on. The performance is vocally decent, although his low notes are as shaky as they have ever been. He hits a sweet spot in the chorus and sounds quite pleasant for the rest of the song. But it seems so effortful somehow. He is almost straining every muscle to get us to like him, choose him, vote for him. I think he is trying to project intensity but it comes across as desperation more than anything else. Not to take anything from his vocal, though, which was stronger than Chris's (undoubtedly) and Blake's (arguably). The judges tell him firmly that he should stick inside his "country" box, and good boy that he is, I am sure he will oblige.

Jordin sings Roger and Hammerstein's "You'll Never Walk Alone", from the musical Carousel. As a Liverpool supporter, I don't even know what to think when Idol contestants take this song on. It's by no means sacrilegious to sing it, of course, but please, please don't mess it up. First things first, Jordin looks just fantastic. The hair and make-up people are doing great work with the ladies this week. Her singing is less successful. She starts off very shaky. Her voice is beautiful and because it is so grateful to the ear, I think it sometimes distracts listeners from her obvious technical weaknesses. They are almost jarringly evident in this performance; the big gulping breaths between phrases, the somewhat squally vibrato and the tendency to slide of the centre of her notes. She hits her strides halfway through and hits a few strong clear notes, showcasing the beauty of her voice. Then the glory notes start and there is some sing-screaming and a flat held note. I think she successfully conveyed the meaning of the song (as she perceives it, which is of course highly individual as there are a hundred interpretations of this song, even among Liverpool fans) but it was vocally less secure than I would have liked. The judges prove again that we do not watch the same show. Randy goes into hyperbole overdrive and insults half a dozen previous Idol contestants by calling this the best performance in the show's history. Paula and Simon are no less enthusiastic, but are at least more temperate in their choice of words. Geez, can this show be MORE obvious about wanting Jordin to win?

There have been a few performances on Idol that have been praised beyond all proportions. Fantasia's Summertime and Katherine McPhee's SOTR come immediately to mind. This performance by Jordin falls firmly into that category for me. But the producers are old hands at this, and I am sure, come May, Jordin Sparks will be crowned American Idol, to the delight and relief of Nigel Lythgoe and company. Then they can truly forget that Taylor Hicks ever existed and actually won the show last season.

Overall, a strange night. I liked the performances, was moved by the clips but was super-annoyed by the judges and the obvious and over-the-top bias towards certain contestants. Inspired? Not quite.

AI Top 9: They did it their way

Last week on AI, a theme that was not a theme, Gwen Stefani and much singing that I did not care enough about to take out the keyboard. Chris Sligh left after not being able to find the beat on the Police's Everything She Does is Magic. The best male voice tonally, but ultimately not a good singer technically.

This week, it's my favourite theme night every season, when the kids dust off the good old American Songbook! Standards Night or Big-band Night (are they calling it Tony Bennett night this year?) brings out the detractors in droves (irrelevance of the genre in modern music, regression instead of risk, boring reinterpretations of songs done 100 times before and 100 times better by 100 other singers) but I love it. A matter of taste, perhaps, but I love the songs from that era; how they are invariably grateful to the ear and how clever they can be lyrically. I don't even mind the AI contestants butchering these songs, because the songs are good enough to withstand it.

Last year, they had Rod Stewart on Standards Night. This year, they landed the big one - Tony Bennett!! Tony freakin' Bennett, fer cryin out loud! I think this is the biggest deal on AI since Elton John back in S3.

Blake sings Mack the Knife. I have a strange love-hate relationship with this song. I think it has one of the great melodies of the standards repertoire but the words are completely incongruent with the tune. All that morbid stuff about scarlet billows are set to this finger-snapping major key melody. It's a song to be sung with laid-back menace, I suppose. Anyway, Blake adopts the finger-snapping, smooth approach. It's a mess vocally, easily the worst he has sounded in this competition. No interesting arrangement tonight to compensate, either. I like Blake a lot, and I just wish he would let us hear his voice properly, without being too caught up in "putting on a performance". He is so natural on stage, I think he can afford to spare some attention for his vocals and the performance would not suffer at all.

Phil tackles one of my favourite Cole Porter songs, Night and Day. Confession: I have six recordings of this sung by different singers (love them all, but my favourite is probably Fred Astaire's because of its genuine swing sensibility, even if he was not the vocal equal of the others recording this music in his day). Phil approaches this as a passionate love song, all swelling strings and drawn out phrasing. Not a swing beat to be found (against Tony Bennett's advice, which will be a recurring theme). He sounds pretty good but then I make the mistake of watching instead of just listening. Yikes! His appearance is particularly discomfiting tonight, with his uncovered head, pale complexion, pointed ears and his eyes more orb-like than before. When he is not smiling, he is really scary looking. Seriously, like an unearthly character in a Neil Gaiman graphic novel. I think the singing is strong and heart-felt, but I completely understand Simon's comment about the performance being dark - Simon might not go there directly, but he means that Phil seems to have come from the Underworld.

Next up is Melinda Doolittle. Another confession: she's my favourite contestant this year. Among some circles in the blogosphere, it's become almost something of a war-cry to disparage her (too boring, too polished, too rehearsed, possibly disingenuous, no neck and so on) and I can objectively see where they are coming from, but no matter, I am a fan. I am usually wary of the contestants that the judges endorse. This time, I think the praises are deserved. To my ear, she is among the best singers that have ever appeared on this show. I don't particularly believe she will be a big superstar beyond AI, given that talent is not the most important currency in the industry. But within the context of this show, she is the best thing on it and she is making the best of this opportunity to parlay the AI exposure into a solo career. Tonight goes down as another top-drawer performance. She sings Gershwin's I Got Rhythm in three distinct parts (slow and sweet to start, spirited middle section and finishing off in classic big-band all-horns blaring manner) and shows off again the layers and flexibility in her voice. The syncopated rhythms are so difficult and she pulls it off effortlessly.

Chris does Don't Get Around Much Anymore, but not before forgetting the words in front of Tony Bennett. All things considered, I will be glad if he gets through the song without any dropped lyrics. He makes a dramatic entrance, silhouetted against the backdrop, striking a pose that is Sammy Davis Jr meets Michael Jackson. I immediately feel like laughing. Then he starts singing and I feel like crying. He is sounding less nasal than usual, all credit to him. In place of the nasality is something far worse - the dreaded "pitchiness". He wanders off-key almost off the bat and never quite finds his way back. It is so irredeemably bad that I cannot even watch what he is doing on stage, although I am sure he is engaging the audience and being cool per his usual MO. The judges inexplicably like this performance and my thoughts turn to conspiracy theories.

Jordin is next singing On A Clear Day, an AJ Lerner composition from the 1960s. As far as these things go, it's the most "modern" song of the night, befitting one of the youngest contestants there. I think Jordin has the best vocal tone of anyone there, in that it is the purest and the most straightforwardly beautiful, especially in her upper register. And this is a great song for her particular type of voice, open and joyous and full of phrases that climb and climb. She starts off rough and her breathing between phrases is distractingly audible. Then she hits the part where the song rises and her voice carries it home, hitting a great big note to finish off on. It is not especially subtle singing, but tremendously effective. Simon gives her some complete BS about how she played it safe and old-fashioned, compared to Chris's more contemporary take on his song. I guess that means bad singing is contemporary? Jordin might not have tried anything too risky, but she did not do a note-by-note reproduction of Streisand.

Gina sings Smile, while sitting on a stool. The first thing I notice is her make-up which is terrific. She looks very classy, glamourous in a very subtle way (Chanel vs Versace, if you will). The eye make-up is especially well-done. She is singing a straightforward arrangement, no flashy phrases or big notes. I like it very much, although I fear it is a little too low-impact for this show. I do like the fact that she is not smiling inappropriately throughout the song, unlike some people have in the past. It is a perfectly pleasant and restrained performance, very controlled and understated as the judges go on to say. It is probably too restrained for this show, where bombast and over-wrought interpretations bear greater rewards. Perhaps Gina should have gone for the impassioned approach that Phil took with Night and Day, allowing her voice to crack on words like "aching" and "breaking".

Sanjaya (who will be with us even next season, at this rate) takes on Cheek to Cheek, which that sweet fellow George Huff sang back in Season 3. He rather endearingly tells us that he wants to show America that he can actually sing, which is a rather refreshing admission that his past two performances haven't been so much about the singing. Tony Bennett seems to have a soft spot for the kid which is nice. Okay, I am not Sanjaya's "demographic" and I don't get the cult of Sanjaya. AT ALL. He seems nice enough, but I don't think he is all that cute and I frankly find his Jack-O-Lantern perma-grin as creepy as Phil's Demeanour of the Embraced. All that excessive hair and the weirdly proto-effete stage mannerisms; straight out of a nightmare sequence in one of those low-budget 1970's "surrealist" comedies. Underneath all that, he has a decent voice and he shows it to us tonight. It would take some really bad singing to make me dislike Cheek to Cheek and Sanjaya is not bad tonight. Not great, but certainly serviceable. His voice is clean and clear and he manages to pull of some dancing with Paula without losing the key. Vocally better than both Chris and Blake tonight.

Haley is next, wearing some shiny metallic fabric that is cut up to here and down to there. Tony Bennett tells her that Ain't Misbehaving is about exactly that - not misbehaving. Haley proceeds to misbehave down in the audience and all over the stage. She is determined to make this song into some a coy, flirtatious number being sung by a Marilyneque sex-pot. The singing is non existent and mostly drowned by the band. She is just all long legs and gesturing arms and flashes of cleavage. I don't hold it against her to use her assets to the best of her own advantage, but this is NOT the song to sing if she is going after "sexy". Too Darn Hot might have been a better choice. As it is, it just comes off as a poorly executed non-event. Maybe this is one for the boys, because I am certainly not feeling it. Again, I am probably not the "demographic".

Lakisha is probably going after my "demographic" with her take on Stormy Weather. She has a wonderful honey tone to her voice unheard since the semi-finals. I thought it might come out to play tonight, but she opts to do the song as some sort of pissed-off paean to the nastiness of man. So she is injecting false grit into her lower register and goes off-key for her effort. Interpretively, this performance does not work for me. Stormy Weather can be sung ironically or with resigned bitterness but not with man-swallowing rage. It takes away the sultriness of the melodic line. Then she ends with a melisma phrase, pointedly ignoring Tony Bennett's advice to just hold the big note. Almost as if by karmic intervention, she hits a very sour last note on the phrase and the song ends abruptly on that bad note that you will hear forever.

Result show: Did not watch it. Gina goes home, undeservedly so in a week where Haley and Chris R were much, much worse.

AI Top 11: A picture is worth ... not much in music??

I listened to the live TV sound feed first, before watching the show on tape later. It is always an interesting experiment to experience these contestants aurally, without the lights and flash of AI getting in the way. After all, this show involves people who are singing, even if “it is not a singing competition” (strike one for Peter Noone this week!). Impressions of the audio, followed by thoughts on the televised performances.

Haley: Tell Him

Audio: Is she prancing around a lot? She seems to be breathless during the chorus and sounded best during the slower verses. The "staccato" accents during the chorus lacks zing, but I think she just does not have the type of voice that would do staccatos well. She's more a legato type of singer. Some okay bits, but If This Was On The Radio (known as the ITWOTR rating), I would rate it: Switch Station.

Video: Holy Legs, Batman!! And Holy bared back! The singing is sort of secondary, isn't it? The girl is accentuating her positives with a vengeance. I am intensely fascinated by the resolutely in-place side-hems of her top - that's some mighty strong doublesided tape under there! I think her outfit, deserve its own voting line. 1800-IDOLS-WHOA.

Chris R: Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying

Audio: Chris does a slow ballad, with a simple guitar accompaniment in the opening bars. Still far too nasal for my liking, but the boy has good musical instincts, I will give him that. He does the "runs" (tm Randy) sparingly and keeps the song slow and sweet. The falsetto at the end is very, very nice; sounds better than his usual voice. Underneath the weak technique and the nasality, there might be a voice there. ITWOTR: Leave it on in the Background.

Video : He's got a guitarist sitting beside him on the stage. It reminds me of one of those figure skating exhibition programs with solo instrumentalists on the ice (Plushenko with a violinist?) I like this visual touch, although the close up on the guitar on the background screen is distracting. Chris doesn't try any interactions with the guitarist and I feel strangely robbed of a Rockstar: Supernova moment.

Stephanie: You Don't Have to Say You Love Me

Audio: Nadia Turner knocked this out of the park back in Season 4; Stephanie has her work cut for her, especially since it sounds like an almost identical arrangement as Nadia's. Ooh, she's shaky and running short of breath. She's a better singer than this! What is happening? She cracks on a high note and she's failing Vocal Technique 101 - Breath Support. Man, this is strange; she sounds so … untrained. ITWOTR: Switch Station.

Video: Love the blue strapless dress, she wears clothes really well.Great as she looks, it is not enough to distract us from the faltering vocals. I think she should have gone for full-out drama; big hair or purple and green sequined harem pants or something. It would have livened up the performance. Big hair is probably the secret to Diana Ross's career.

Blake: Time of the Season

Audio: He's beatboxing, but when he starts singing, he's using that very pleasant voice he sometimes lets us hear. It's gone within a few bars, reappears briefly then goes away again. The chorus is definitely better than the verses - why won't the boy sing consistently through a song? There's some beat-boxing again and then he's singing, not as strongly now and in fact, becomes very ragged. He sounds downright bad for a couple of lines but mercifully, the end is nigh and he wraps it up with some beat-boxing again. The triumph of this song is less the singing and more the arrangement; it has a cool updated retro sound to it. ITWOTR: Perk up and listen.

Video: Seeing this really helps enhance the enjoyment of the performance. Blake pulls off some dance moves and is very assured on stage. The fashion choice is puzzling; is he going for the 'preppy' look that ANTM tells us originated in England (thanks, Tyra!)?

Lakisha: Diamonds are Forever

Audio: The girl can sing, and she is assuredly in key and in control most of the time,bar a few low notes. But I am a little discomfited by this performance. For some reason, she sounds like around 4 different people, as she moves through her register. In one monotonic "forever", I even hear a different voice for each syllable. It's not so much inflection or phrasing, where you can still hear that there is one underlying voice. It sounds like 4 people inside her randomly popping up to sing selected phrases and words, or for that matter, syllables. ITWOTR: Check the reception.

Video: So, she chose this song so she could wear those diamonds? What a nice touch by the AI stylists. I wonder if they have security guards shadowing Lakisha. Great colour on the dress as well. But this is better listened to than watched. She is not quite connecting emotionally; I am not feeling it, dawg! There is something about her eyes that seems to be warding me off and telling me to keep my distance. I feel almost uncomfortably self-conscious - do I have bad breath or something ?

Phil: Tobacco Road

Audio: This is not the first song that comes to mind for Phil, but he is doing a commendable job. There are a few surprisingly mellow lower notes and within his comfort range, he sounds strong and confident. He is trying to rough up his voice to achieve some "edge". Again, he's not really that type of singer, so it is something of a failed experiment. Not bad, but no better than competent. ITWOTR: Leave it on in the background.

Video: Phil, please wear a hat. If you will not consider growing some hair back, I implore you to invest in any form of skull-covering gear. I’d even take a beanie and I was not too fond of those with Ace last year. I really cannot say what reaction I have to this visual performance because I simply cannot look at his head. At one stage, I look at the screen and see what looks like a giant sweat stain on his shirt although it might have been a pattern on the fabric.

Jordin: I, Who Have Nothing

Audio: Well, the girl is showcasing that beautiful voice to its best advantage! Not a pitch problem in sight (or within hearing). She sounds impassioned and does a proper 1960's wail. When she is properly focused, like now, she sounds sensationally good. ITWOTR: Turn the volume up.

Video: This does not seem so powerful when watched. I wonder why that is. She looks great with the straightened hair, and not at all too young or precocious to be singing this very grown-up song. She does not have any particularly annoying mannerisms when she sings apart from a few too-literal gestures miming the lyrics. Still, something about watching this is putting me off simply enjoying the excellent vocals. I cannot put my finger on it.

Sanjaya: You Really Got Me

Audio: Hahahahahaha … sorry, I don't think I am supposed to take this seriously, am I? I am not watching, but obviously, Sanjaya is doing something totally unexpected on stage. He's roaring and screaming and his voice drops off and picks up like he is engaging in some vigorous mike-handling or possibly head-banging? I imagine him doing some Bollywood moves, actually, which is horribly stereotypical but I just can't help it. Man, good on him for having a sense of humour and just throwing caution to the wind. Strange, wasn't that what Paula told him to do last week, to just let go and 'explode with his vocals', or something? Man, Sanjaya, of all the judges to listen to!! ITWOTR: Hahahahaha … I can't imagine hearing this on the radio, other than as a AI clip replay.

Video: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….. boy, Sanjaya might just get himself a place in the top 3 with this. It is so relentless horrible but in an utterly fantastic way. We are returning to AI’s roots – the bad auditions! – except on a much larger stage. He is prancing around and running into the audience and stalking on the catwalk and then, he sings into Paula’s face. The camera pans towards and settles on a tweener (obviously a plant) simply bawling her eyes out. So fitting to have a girl in tearful hysterics on British Invasion night. Sanjaya is stomping up a storm (of sheer awfulness) but the camera will not leave the poor crying girl. I feel torn between pity for the child and relief that I am temporarily spared from more of Sanjaya’s rock stylings. Just in time for the ending, the camera returns with him to the stage, where he does a little screaming bit that just about split my gut, so hard am I laughing. If this was a high school performance, he would get pelted off the stage. But on AI? He gets deafening cheers and an invitation from Ryan to hug the crying girl, thus cementing his place in the top 5. Did I not say this show is a circus?

Gina: Paint It Black

Audio: Very weird start to this, is she going overboard with the edgy thing? This song has a tune, Gina, let us hear it! I can see what she is trying to achieve, a sort of disaffected coolness before kicking into the hard-edged part with the thrumming chords. The problem is that she sounds flat and is singing tunelessly, slurring everything into a monotone. The slurring thing can be done and works wonderfully when done well, but she is not managing that. ITWOTR: Switch Station.

Video: Great, great haircut. Very nice indeed. Other than that, it is usual Gina, full of the right type of rocker attitude on stage. I still sense a little bit of awkwardness but I think she is a lot more comfortable now than she has been previously. Watching this helps make the vocals more enjoyable. Her outfit and her general demeanour helps to sell the song, and even her particular choice to modulate to the point of tunelessness seems to make more musical sense with these accompanying visuals.

Chris S: She's Not There

Audio: Thank goodness he sounds more animated tonight than he did last week. Nice work with the high notes and the sing-spoken chorus. It's a song that needs more attitude than actual aptitude and he manages it okay. ITWOTR: Listen till it ends.

Video: I still prefer to listen than to watch. He starts in the audience and works his way through the crowd, narrowly missing Simon on his way back to the stage. It is a good attempt at some audience interaction, but he is not really that type of performer. All the while, there is a certain lack of engagement about him on stage, although his singing voice sounds better than it has for a few weeks.

Melinda: As Long As He Needs Me

Audio: For the second week in a row, I wish she had chosen a different song, although I love Oliver and I love this song (which was also sung by Nadia Turner in S4). I just would like to see Melinda do something completely different. Does this song really qualify as British Invasion? But again, the AI rules appear to say it does. When the strings start up, I think maybe this is not such a bad song choice after all. After a string of dramatic slow songs in minor-key, preppy up-beat tunes and rock songs with strong rhythms, we hear this major-key Broadway tune which is immediately easy on the ear. This song choice might bore some people, but I think many might enjoy the change in pace. She sings it, as always, wonderfully well and with simplicity and heart. I think this would have worked better if they were doing broadway night. As it is, a performance that lacked the excitement of others who stuck more closely to the British Invasion theme, but vocally superlative. ITWOTR: Perk up and listen.

Video: What are the stylists up to with Melinda? Why are they putting her in these drab colours? As for the hair-cut, a younger look for sure, but not doing her particular facial frame any favours. She starts sitting down and then gets up and does her thing. It’s a bit static, but with her, there is always an emotional engagement and we can see it.

Judging the rest:

Lulu: Best. Guest. Ever. She was tres-cool and most of all, gave great and *useful* critiques to the girls.

Peter Noone: He did not seem to much like any of the boys, did he? He was no Lulu, but I didn’t hate him. He just seems too inconsequential for me to hate, really, with his slightly inane grin (or is that his permanent expression? I can’t tell!) and that rather overly larrikin-like demeanour.

Simon, Randy and Paula: Same old, same old.

Results show summary: Peter Noone sings; it is enjoyable enough but nothing to write home about. Ford video is tee-hee-inducing. Ryan “randomly” calls out people in groups of three. Phil is in the 2^nd group called safe and celebrates like he’s just become a father again. The third and last threesome (not that way!) comprises Sanjaya, Haley and Gina. They are safe and the bottom 2 are Stephanie and Chris Richardson. While the sweat over the result, Lulu tears up the stage with her signature tune. Then, sadly but not surprisingly, Stephanie is sent home.

American Idol Top 12: Back to the Kodak or Now with more hair!

American Idol is back! Well, it has been back for a good 2 months but the bloated audition and "top 24" episodes don't count. The real stuff is upon us- the final 12! Girls and boys mixing it up, group sings with manageable numbers but usually unmanageable choreography, Ford pimping music videos and best of all, theme nights!

I like the theme nights on AI even if the musical styles bear little relation to what any of the contestants would release on their eventual (or hypothetical) albums. Maybe it's because I prefer to watch this show purely for entertainment and am less invested in its "search for a superstar". That's not to say that AI is not a legitimate path for singers to get a foothold in the industry. More power to anyone who manages it. For me, though, after 5 seasons of this increasingly circus-like show, I just have to take it for what it is - a glossily produced reality TV program that is ultimately cheesy and insubstantial but irresistable nonetheless. Kind of like junk-food. No matter how many times Randy, Paula and Simon say it - this is NOT a singing competition, or at least, not primarily one. AI is a TV program served up weekly for our entertainment, with story arcs, characters to root for and characters to villify and its scripted moments of drama and comedy. It's preferable to be bad and memorable than to be good and boring.

Theme nights fit perfectly into my expectations for AI. What is more entertaining than hearing familiar old favourites being butchered (sometimes), karaoke-d (usually) or enhanced (seldom)? Theme nights give us suspense and speculation (who's going to sing what? can she hit that high note?), comedy (rocker boy takes on Broadway? emo balladeer tackles rock? Bwah!), hair and fashion critique (Disco night, where are the shiny pants and fros?) and the chance to play not only arm-chair critic but also arm-chair advisor (she should have done the Mary J version which suits her voice better, rather than the Aretha original!).

So. The first theme Night of the season- Diana Ross! See, AI always had this thing about guys singing girl songs. For whatever reason, it's a big no-no. They've had many male-singer nights - to name just a few: Elton John night, Elvis Presley Night, Queen night and Bee Gees night. There was Dianne Warren night back in Season 2, but she's a song writer not a singer. The girls can sing the entire Stevie Wonder ouevre (and yes, there was a Stevie Wonder night last year) and nary a raised eyebrow. But no guy has ever tackled Whitney, Mariah or Celine - and from the judge's comments this year, maybe no girls should either since "nobody can sing it better than Mariah/Celine/Whitney", which is just a little bit insulting to other singers that are not Mariah/Celine/Whitney.

But I digress from AI and the ground-breaking Diana Ross theme night. Whatever the show's discomfort with guys doing girl songs, six guys would just have to grit their teeth, gird their loins and carefully vet their lyrics for potential girliness. I think the guys got off easy, Ms Ross is undoubtedly a legend but as a singer, she was no Whitney/Mariah/Celine/Aretha/Chaka. (And as she proved on Results Night, she's no Diana Ross anymore, either). No impossible notes in the soprano stratosphere for anyone to reach.

On with the show! They are back at the Kodak theatre, where Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar just 3 weeks ago. Appropriately, before going "live" to the studio, they run a little segment lauding the stars discovered on AI - representing "Pop" is Grammy-winner Kelly Clarkson, coming to bat for "Country" is Grammy and CMA winner Carrie Underwood, in the "Rock" corner is multi-platinum recording artist Chris Daughtry, flying the flag for "Broadway" is Fantasia Barrino and finally, the cherry on the cake award to JHud and her gold statuette. Note the complete absence of any mention of Season 2 winner Ruben and last year's American Idol Taylor Hicks. I think it's rather ungracious of the show to leave them out. Not that the winners are exactly entitled to anything, but it is somewhat tacky not to acknowledge them. Still, as Ryan says, this! is! American Idol! and the occasional tackiness is part of the MO.

This! Is! American Idol! But not before 1 second of silence until someone in the sound studio woke up and turned on Ryan Seacrest's microphone. One minute in and might we have already encountered the best part of the show? This first Finals round is a 2-hour broadcast, and that's a lot more entertainment than AI might be able to cobble together from this tried and tested formula. 12 singers, 2 hours - that's about 7 minutes per contestant after taking out the ads and general introductory stuff. But they only sing for 90 seconds each, because we need time for the pre-song taped segment (Meeting Diana Ross, singing for Diana, Diana opines, telling the audience "hope you enjoy it as much I do") the judges' comments (buffer of 30 seconds per contestant for booing Simon). And of course, the scripted (or otherwise) nudge-wink "banter" between Simon and Ryan.

Ryan hyperboles about the show, the top 12 and the judges. After five seasons and counting, I expect the judges to dress as such: Randy in something loud and/or inexplicable, Paula in something that bares cleavage or looks like the losing design in one of Project Runway's "creative challenges" (eg. the recycling one), and Simon to be in grey, white or black. Everyone obliges my sweeping generalisations. More hyperboles (although probably justified) about Diana Ross's career. No matter what people say, I still think Dreamgirls is about Diana Ross and the Supremes. I am reminded again that she did "diva" better than anyone but was a competent singer at best. The constestants look varyingly awed and terrified, which could be over Ms Ross's reputation for crazed divaism or maybe it was just her hair. I mean, how does she get so much sheer volume into that mass? Insane amounts of backcombing? Perming a natural afro?

Finally, the contestants get to sing!

In the unenviable first spot is Brandon Rogers, background vocalist to the stars. Cute guy, not a bad voice but unimpressive so far. His best performance was that little bit of ivory tinkling he did - Chopin, I think - during the semi-finals. He's doing "Can't Hurry Love", a catchy song with a good hook. I remember Simon telling him last week that he could be eliminatied because his song was not melodic enough. So, he's off to a better start with his song choice at least. Then it sort of goes downhill. Just listening to this performance, it is not bad although not stellar by any means. A few cracked notes aside, his voice is pleasant enough. As a visual performance, this is a mess. His movements are self-conscious and he seems disconnected from what he is singing. Then we get to watch him have a complete mind-freeze on stage; he forgets the lyrics, shakes his head, smiles and does not even try to cover up! Oy. A few measures too late, he regains his place and finishes off, going for a big last note to compensate. The whole performance, even without the flubbed lyrics, was lack-lustre and erring on the side of boring.

Before we get to the next bit of singing, Ryan and Simon engage in a truly embarassing exchange about high-heels and closets. I don't even know if it is homophobic or gay-friendly, or subversively one or the other. I tend to think it's just dumb. Closet jokes can be done well; I still laugh When I think of South Park's Scientology episode which had Tom Cruise literally inside a closet and various characters repeating the refrain "Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!". This stuff between Ryan and Simon is just stupid and not even very funny.

But back to the singing.

Melinda Doolittle is next, shy background vocalist striking out of her comfort zone. Battle of the BGVs? Can you really call it a battle when one has a light-sabre at her disposal while the other has a blunt pen-knife? One of the front-runners, and for once, I agree with the judges on that. I really liked her initial audition and her "My Funny Valentine" in the 2nd week of the semi-finals was revelatory. Tonight, she is singing "Home" from "The Wiz". It's one of those songs that I know, but never remember. I recognize it when I hear it, but it is so unmemorable I could not hum it for the life of me. Not thrilled with this song choice, and for 10 seconds, it seems Melinda has really sabotaged herself with a bad song. She also seems a little nervous and there is a tiny hint of shaking in her voice. Then, suddenly, a magical phrase and she is off into her zone. It is something to behold. This song does not really throb and swell as much as it meanders with some crescendoes. Somehow, she coaxes emotion and grandeur from it, just standing there with her voice, phrasing and feeling. The music builds - since when does this song build? - seemingly on the strength of her phrasing alone, and she ends on a cathartic climax which the song by itself certainly does not possess. It is like a twelf-tone piece turned into a major-key Tchaikovsky string serenade. I am not sure how that works, but it just happened. Whew. And wow.

Then it was the turn of Chris Sligh, early fan favourite with the corkscrew afro and his quip about making David Hasselhoff cry. After the semi-finals and a mishandled wisecrack about Il Divo and the Teletubbies the lustre has gone off his shine somewhat. His attempts at humour appear to be more strained and effortful now. He has the strongest voice among the guys, but he is a strangely unengaging performer. I liked him a lot during his audition, but his song choices have been less than interesting since then. Tonight, he sings a "tricked-up" arrangement of that cheesy chestnut "Endless Love". The beats start in the background and I fear for what is to come. Shades of Coldplay, as Randy will accurately call it. I don't know what to make of it. He sounds okay in that he has a rich voice and he is singing within a register that is comfortable for him. But the arrangement is so strange and so lacking in dynamics that the song seems to be heading nowhere melodically. He is also singing in a flat, almost diaffected manner, just hammering out the notes, in key but no phrasing to speak of. A few repetitive phrases, one longer-held note and the song suddenly ends. In review, not necessarily bad, just weird and not even interestingly weird.

Next up is Gina Glocksen, repeat audiotionee and edgy rock girl with a crush on Simon. Judging by her song and wardrobe choices in the first 2 semi rounds, maybe she's not such a rock girl after all. Still, this is AI: the TV show, and everyone has a unique role to play. Gina got stuck with the "token female rocker" character that was scripted before auditions began. She is singing "Love Child", a good song for her as it lets her stay firmly in the box that AI has lovingly built and hand-painted for her. She is clearly straining on her higher notes and is almost unintelligible. I can't tell if she is not "pronunciating" (per Ms Ross) or if the band is just too loud or my speakers not properly balanced. She just sounds "muddy". She is also unpolished on stage, like she is at the same time over and under rehearsed. Not a great performance, but it prompts one of the all time great Paula Abdul WTF comments - "Love Child is a great, feel-good song!". "Love Child" with its lyrics about being "born in poverty, never meant to be, scorned by society" is a feel-good song!

Oh man. Sanjaya Malakar, inconceivably popular child out his depth. Pawn of AI's "dramatic elimination" announcements for weeks. He's not that bad to listen to, but watching him on stage is painful. He seems so sweet and nice that hating on him is like torturing a puppy. Even Paula has not managed to say anything nice about his singing, although everyone agrees that he is a great kid. He has the VTFW vote, and is the focus of a Howard Stern-led voting campaign. I think the kid will be around for a while, even if he wants to go home (and many, many Americans probably share that wish, but it's not up to them - there's only so much you can do by NOT voting when his fanbase and the anti-AI factions are hard at it). His choice tonight is "Ain't no Mountain High Enough", a song with plenty of potential for raising up a storm. Except Sanjaya barely manages a gentle wisp of breeze. About the most hair-raising thing about him is his hair, tonight a mop of unruly curls like he just stepped out from an illustrated book about shipwrecked Victorian children. He's does not sound altogether horrendous, and we have heard worse performances from people in previous seasons who lasted into the Top 6 and beyond. But as a performance, this is downright uncomfortable to watch. His eyes are darting crazily and glazed over, probably in terror, but it has the unfortunate effect of making him seem deranged. The face-splitting smile does not help either; coupled with the hair, he looks like the really scary clown that visits your nightmares. I am creeped out, despite reminding myself he is just a 17 year old kid. I wish the judges had not put him in the Top 24 in the first place. He is just clearly not experienced enough and at this stage, not good enough.

On the stage steps Haley Scarnato, pretty wedding singer with the Disney princess voice. I like the sweetness of her voice but she hasn't exactly set the stage on fire. She's like great wall-paper. It catches your eye when you are shopping, once in a while you appreciate that it's superiod wall-paper and pleasant to have in the background but you don't really think about it most of the time. That's Haley for me. Pretty girl, pretty voice, ultimately unmemorable. She is singing "Missing You" which Diana tells us is a song originally dedicated to the just-deceased Marvin Gaye. In other words, deep song, feel the lyrics. Haley does a serviceable job at first, although she seems emotionally disconnected from the lyrics. The music is also drowning her, as it did during the semi-final rounds, but it is still in okay territory. Then, the brain freeze virus catches and she is humming and melisma-ing her way through dropped lyrics. It is a jarring break of mood and her pitch wavers as she struggles for composure. She covers it up better than Brandon did but the performance is failing and you can tell that she knows it. She just cannot get back on the right key until the very end, when she pushes for a big finish and just about pulls it off.

Here is Phil Stacy, dad who missed his 3rd-born's birth because he was at the AI auditions. Also, bald guy who really should think about growing back his hair. And poor starter, strong finisher when he sings except when he is poor starter AND poor finisher, like last week. He does "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" and I just switch off. Not sure why, but my attention is drawn to the newspaper lying on the coffee-table, and I suddenly feel like going to the kitchen for a glass of water. He sings on in the background, perfectly pleasant and perfectly unexciting. When I come back from the kitchen, he is still singing and is now in the part of his voice where he sounds best; bright ringing notes and clear tone. He is less bug-eyed tonight; effort or just not trying too hard? Then he finishes up while I am figuring out his reduced bug-eyed contrast ratio, and I realise I heard his entire performance without registering much of it at all. Bad Phil, you are supposed to entertain me! If you cannot be amazing, then be outright bad or strange or something other than bland!

Someone who can bring on the amazing is Lakisha Jones, bank-worker, single-mother and another early front-runner. I like how her name is diva-ready; Maria Callas was La Divina, Joan Sutherland was La Stupenda; Kiki has her very own signature LaKisha! Of course, she does not appear at all diva-like, far less so than any of the diva-threesome of Season 3, and even they were not that diva-like. This lady can sing and I really like her ability to show restraint and not confuse oversinging with emoting; unlike most, my favourite performance of hers is her superbly controlled version of "I have nothing" and I found her much-lauded "And I am telling you" to be oversung and emotionally flat at the same time. Tonight, she cheats on the Diana Ross theme and sings "God Bless the Child" which is a Billie Holiday song that Ms Ross sang when she played Lady Day in "Lady Sings the Blues". Since the rules of AI, such as they are, allowed Lakisha to do this, good on her for picking a song that showcases her voice and interpretive abilities. Her voice sounds spectacular, very rich and nuanced and on certain notes, possessed of a beautiful warm tone. She is also holding back and not going for the big belted notes. It serves the song well and gives it the right meditative quality. I would not call it the most original version of the song that I have ever heard, but she certainly sounds marvelous, the best I have ever heard her sound, and that is saying something.

Then we have Blake Lewis, beat-boxer and occupant of this year's "most contemporary sounding" box. There is a certain boy-bandish quality about the way he looks and sounds, but I think he does sing somewhat better than your average boy-band member. He has certainly been interesting in the semi-final rounds, even bamboozling the judges over whether he is original or too much of a copycat. I would not say that his style is entirely to my taste, but I hope he sticks around because he is capable of surprising us and not in the usual AI WTH??? way. Ala Chris Sligh, he is singing a souped-up electro-beat arrangement of "Keep Me Hangin' On". I like this a lot more than what Sligh did. This song just lends itself better to this tripped-up treatment than Endless Love does. Sadly, he is not singing strongly, in fact, his voice is sort of getting lost in the arrangement and for once, it has nothing to do with the band being too loud. He seems to be not completelysure of himself vocally in the way that he has been when on stage. I don't think the unfocused singing necessarily has anything to do with the arrangement at all; as arranged, there is opportunity to showcase his singing abilities but he is not taking advantage of that in this performance. Perhaps he needs more rehearsal time or something?? Still, I think it is one of the more interesting performances of the night.

We are now visiting with Stephanie Edwards, upgraded and improved model of Fantasia Barrino - in my book, both in terms of voice and appearance. She survived the semi-finals despite zero face-time before Hollywood. Good for her. She sometimes gets lost in this season's diva shuffle but she is a fine singer and a darned striking young lady. Tonight, she is attempting to "start sexy and build" (per Ms Ross, again) on "Love Hangover". It's one of those 70's songs that I really don't get. It has a good hook but you only get there after listening to verse upon verse of nothing very melodious. The hook does not last very long before you get back to the tuneless verse stuff again. Just weird. Anyway, Stephanie tackles this non-song and does her best with the verses, exuding laid-back ease and smoulder. We wait for the hook and it does not come. She is still slinkily gliding through verses. Then, she forgets her lyrics but gets the night's prize for best cover-up and recovery. You could hardly tell that anything went wrong, so professionally is she going about finishing her song. Except that it never gets to the hook at all. I think she sang well and followed the "start sexy" instruction to a T. But this arrangement gives her nothing to build from once she started sexy. So it ends rather as it had begun.

Next up is Chris Richardson, so-called Timberlake-lookalike and this year's "modern yet versatile" castmember. I think he looks nothing like Justin Timberlake. If anything, he reminds me very strongly of David Beckham circa 2001/02, when Becks was spotting the expensive crew-cut look. Chris's eyes and cheekbones are very reminiscent of a younger Beckham. I have a bit of a soft spot for Chris the person, but wish I like him better as a singer. He seems like the nicest guy and I like his demeanour when he is receiving the judge's comments, good or bad. His singing, on the other hand, is weak and his voice entirely too nasal for my taste. Fortunately for him, he gets by because he is a confident performer and he is extremely likeable, which is about as much as you can say about many major artistes. Tonight, he tackles "The Boss" and exhibits every vocal quirk that makes me dislike his singing. He goes off-key more than once, he sounds like he is singing through his nose while nursing a cold and he gets a whiny tone in his high notes. His phrasing is interesting, though, and he makes some nice choices in putting together this performance. I might not care for his voice, and I think he needs spades of vocal training to get his basic technique up to mark, but I appreciate his willingness to stretch himself musically.
Finally, after what seems like a lot more than 2 hours, Ryan welcomes the final contestant,

Jordin Spark, teenage giantess who probably gives Sanjaya hair-envy. She is charmingly girlish, bubbly and entirely as a 17 year old should be, and less annoying than many 17 year old girls. She sings "If We Hold On Together" and I let go a little Awww. It's that lovely, but really trite, song from the cartoon movie "The Land Before Time", with the cute baby dinosaurs. Cute in the way that Jordin is cute, all large eyes and innocence, and awkwardly growing into their large boned frames. Jordin has a big voice and a beautiful vocal tone, but she is not always the surest of singers. She struggles a little on her low notes and her pitch wobbles here and there. Still, she is selling the song and really singing her heart out. It is difficult not to get swept up in it and just sing and smile along with her. This is probably the feel-good performance of the night, despite not being a snap-your-fingers-to-the-beat type of song. It is a celebration of the child inside us, while it lasts. Later, we can go back to being cold and cynical, but for 90 seconds, we can just daydream of baby dinosaurs with Bambi eyes.

And so, 12 performances and 120 minutes later, the credits roll. But not before Ryan tells us to watch the result show, where Diana Ross herself will perform.

Results show: The one paragraph summary

The group sing has (gasp!) choreography that requires acting! It's predictably cheesy and bad despite the kids singing pretty good Diana Ross songs that a few of them should have sung last night, maybe. The Ford music video is (aaaargh!) ghastly, but in that great way that we have become accustomed to. Diana Ross puts in a special guest performance that is at the same time fabulous and excruciatingly bad. Lady was a competent singer at best and is now considerably less than best. The judges give her a standing ovation because the script says they have to. Bottom 3: Sanjaya, Brandon and Phil. Bottom 2: Sanjaya and Brandon. Going home: Brandon. Not looking too happy in the audience: Sanjaya's mother. Brandon wastes too much time talking to Ryan about his wonderful AI experience, and the show goes off-air before he gets to his sing-off. Well, at least his family and the people at the Kodak get to hear him. I hope he remembers his lyrics this time.

I have goosebumps

I have been waiting for this album for seemingly forever. At long last, Clay Aiken's sophomore album will be released next month. "Without You" is the first single off this album. The full song can be heard online at his My Space page: http://www.myspace.com/clayaiken

Excuse me for a moment of gushing: OMG, that voice!! Wow and double wow! It sends chills down my spine and just hits me like a sledgehammer square in the solar plexus.

This is just MILES better than the production values on MOAM. His voice is better recorded, down to the echo of his wailed top notes, and really sits forward in the layers of sound.

If this sounds so good on my tinny computer speakers, how great is it going to sound on a properly engineered CD? RCA better bring that album to Singapore very soon after its US release - I am NOT making do with purchasing the digital download. MP3's won't cut it with this voice.

The lesser of two bores: The AI Final 2 sing-off

One night before Clay Aiken and Michael Sandecki provided the defining moment of AI Season 5, there was a competition between the two finalists.

As I had said elsewhere, I lost a lot of interest after Paris left, and almost all interest after Elliot departed. I watched the finale mainly to hear the horrors of the new "original compositions" being inflicted upon the finalists. Now, that's a scary thought.

Overall Impressions:

Taylor Hicks:
Same old, same old. Sartorial disaster coupled with twitchy dancing and his trade-mark 'Crouching Taylor, Hidden Talent' style of delivering slower songs. He seemed in good enough spirits and primarily interested in having a good time. I got the sense that he knew he would win. Not that he was being a tool about it, but he seemed uninterested in what the judges had to say and focused his attention on calling out to the Soul Patrol, as if he was acknowledging that they had done their'job and delivered him the AI title.

Kat McPhee:
Looked the best I have ever seen her, although her dress during the last song was just wrong for her body type. She was more likeable last night than she has been all season. For the first time, she seemed completely genuine, in her response to the judges and her gratitude to her fans. I think she was resigned to losing to the Taylor juggernaut. Having made peace with that, her usual craving for approval was less in evidence.

Round by round

Round I:

Kat was vocally fine on "Cherry Tree and Black Horse" (or is it the other way around?) but the performance was a non- event.

Taylor did a typical Taylor rendition of "Take it to the City". Seen it before and this was not more interesting the 2nd time out. There was a whole lot more of performing than singing going on.

Round 2:

Kat did Somewhere Over The Rainbow again one week after her supposed 'moment'. I thought it was over-rated last week and haven't changed my mind. SOTR is pretty hard to screw up and most half-decent singers sound good doing it. I think the OTT response to this performance is mainly due to it being a great song. It's like hearing Nessun Dorma in the opera house; any tenor who can sing in tune and push out that final "Vincero!" would get a tremendous response because audiences are just swept away by the swell of melody in the chorus. It doesn't take a Pavarotti or Domingo to get them out of their seats. SOTR is that sort of song. Don't get me wrong, Kat sounded good but she is no Eva Cassidy or Judy Garland.

Taylor sang "Levon" which is apparently a song about planned parenthood. I lost interest after the first verse. There was something off about this; Taylor is usually spot on with pitch, but this was a somewhat uncertain performance from him.


Round 3:

Ah, original compositions! How horrid are they? Would these new songs lower the bar set by "Inside Your Heaven" last year?

Katherine was saddled with a monstrosity called "My Destiny". She didn't sing it very well which certainly did not help, but I think even vintage Whitney Houston would have trouble making this song sound decent. Apart from the insipid title. it has no melodic build up and a chorus that sort of meanders from nowhere to nowhere else. It is also a horrible fit for Katherine's voice - the verses scrapes the bottom of her range then transitions into a chorus that is sung at the other end of her register. Her comfort zone is hardly called into use at all. I don't know if Katherine was just defeated by the song, because she seemed to make no effort at all and was variously sharp and flat, and overpowered by the choir.

Taylor fared better with "Do I Make You Proud?". It is a superior song to "My Destiny" and at least has some some semblance of a melody and structure. Sure, it sounds like something out of the "Song Composition by Numbers" manual. But as these things go, it is not horrific. I don't think this sort of song suits Taylor's soul-infused style at all, but he made a go of it and invested the song with as much emotion as can be expected. Props to him for taking the music seriously, even if it is not particularly good music. I also have to credit him for knowing himself musically and understanding what he can do with his talent. I had thought that he would be too limited a singer to pull off this sort of sappy inspirational ballad but he figured out how to do this sort of song in an essentially Taylor-Hicks style. It was still rather boring, but I guess that was as much the song as it was Taylor.

Dare I say it? I think "My Destiny" is possibly worse than "Inside your Heaven". Which would make it the worst of the coronation songs from the Idol franchise (of those I have heard).

Sidetracking for a bit: I really wished that there was an English version of "Gemilang", the coronation single for the first Malaysian Idol, Jacqueline Victor and that this could be brought to the attention of the other national Idol competitions. This is a genuinely good song, even without the Idol context. Those of us who watched Malaysian TV during the Commonwealth Games heard it a million times, and it holds up very well on multiple listens.


Rounding up:

Taylor knew he would win. Katherine knew it. The judges knew it (and Simon hated it). Ryan Seacrest knew it. Nigel Lythgoe knew it (and hated it). The audience in the Kodak knew it. I knew it.

It was like watching an 1st round match at a tennis Grand Slam tournament, when the defending champion is pitted against a qualifier ranked 500 in the world.

American Idol 5 Finale: The Return of Clayton

It is reported that there was serious glitterati at the 2-hour extravaganza that is the AI5 Finale. Al Jarreau, Mary J Blige and the less-creepy royal one, Prince, were said to have taken the stage. Observers noted that Carrie Underwood put in an appearance, and all the top 12 from this season sang. And oh, apparently Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention because .... CLAY!!

Clay Aiken turned up! And he sang "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me"!

It was as if time rolled back three and a half years to the Wild Card show from Season 2. This freckled-face lanky kid opened his mouth and out came a clarion-like voice that hit me straight in the solar plexus. He took an Elton John song which I have never particularly liked and just smashed the sucker all over the park. I have been a fan since that day.

I did not even mind the lame jokey set-up for his appearance tonight, with the annoying FauxClay Michael Sendecki receiving an "award" for Best Imitator. Sendecki's awed reaction when he saw Clay was priceless, a truly human moment in the increasingly grotesque circus that is AI. The entire segment was also a darn sight funnier than most of the skits that we have suffered through during result shows.

There is some commotion over Clay's new hair-do, apparently. I don't know; he certainly looks very different from the Clay we saw in AI2 but I don't have an opinion one way or the other. The boy can go all Ace-Constantine greasy-haired if he wants, as long as he continues to sing and target that solar plexus. I was just happy to see him on TV again and to hear his voice in such great shape. The distinctive phrasing, the wonderful bell-like clarity, the mellow lower notes - all back and better than ever. It got me all nostalgic for Season 2, still the best, most enjoyable, most exciting and most competitive season ever. After this season of largely decent but unmemorable contestants, it was nice to have someone showing them how is SHOULD be done.

Now, Clay, just get that 2nd album out, will ya?

American Idol Top 6: Classic Love Songs

Hahaha, Andrea Bocelli and David Foster on American Idol! In a season that has also brought us Barry Manilow, Queen and Rod Stewart as a standards singer. I don't know what to say. This show has become even more like a circus than ever.

David Foster: He was not really making an effort to be diplomatic. I cannot decide if I find this offensive or just hilariously funny.

Andrea Bocelli: He's not much of an opera singer (the bits of Nessun Dorma he sang were NOT good), but when he sticks to his genre of semi-operatic pop, he's a star. And he did come across as very sweet.

Katherine: She tackled "I Have Nothing". She hit a few rough, screechy spots and she's no Whitney. But I enjoyed it, even while I sort of agreed with the judges. I don't think they were that harsh (as being reported in some corners of the Internet) - they did not say she sang badly, just that the song exposed her as not being at the level of Whitney Houston. That's fair enough and absolutely true, although I do think she should have been given some credit for pulling off the song and putting some of her own personality in it.

Elliot: The beautiful voice was in full force tonight and he sang 'A Song for You' as well as he has sung anything during this competition. The arrangement was a bit busy for my liking, but it allowed him to show his chops and technical abilities. This was a great vocal performance, but even so, Paula's blubbering reaction was over-the-top. My instinct was to stand and clap, not to have a nervous breakdown.

Kellie: Oh dear, she's singing "Unchained Melody"? Oh dear, this will not be good. And it was just abysmal. She simply does not have the technical ability nor the vocal quality to sell this song. There is no point to note pitch problems or issues with her non-existent technique. This was just a complete mess, possibly even worse than the worst of Jasmine Trias and Carmen Rassmussen. Not only did she sound horrible, she looked like a lifeless blow-up doll. Without the make-up, band and lighting, this would have qualified as a "bad audition". The judges finally turned against her this week, and Ryan had to cut Simon off just as he was about to drive the Pickler to breaking down in tears. Darn!

Paris: "The Way We Were" is a strange choice for a 17-year old. Melodically, it does suit Paris's voice and range. This was another strong vocal performance, although she had some strange modulations and spots where her tone became somewhat strident. She lacks the life experience to bring out the world-weary wistfulness of the Streisand original, but that will come with time. Her voice and musical instinct always makes listening to her a worthwhile experience.

Taylor: Boy, this was boring. He sang "Just Once" as if he was warming up his voice in the morning. He even had pitch problems at the start, which is a first for Taylor. He just seemed so uninterested and disengaged. I wonder if he was unwell.

Chris: He sang that Don Juan De Marco song, "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?". And he had TWO flamenco guitarists on stage with him. Can this show be any more obvious in the championing of this chosen one? He sounded good and the performance worked, but I was put off by the aggressive favouritism. Not fair to Chris, but being on this show is like striking a bargain with the devil.

Randy: The dawg made a bit more sense this week than he usually does. I loved it that he pulled no punches in declaring his hatred for David Foster's arrangements. Professional jealousy or rivalry, perhaps? Or perhaps just a matter of taste.

Paula: Wow, she must either have been medicated to the gills or suffering withdrawal symptoms. The crying and incoherence after Elliot sang was downright uncomfortable to watch. And I really hate the way she talks over Simon when he is still in the middle of making his point. For the supposed "nice one", she is incredibly rude.

Simon: I strongly dislike him, but I really liked the way he was snickering at Paula's breakdown. In that moment, he was reflecting my thoughts exactly. And I also rather enjoyed his tearing down of the Pickler - he called it "the unending melody", boring, robotic and monotonous. If Ryan had not cut him short, he could perhaps have moved on to even more vicious adjectives. We'll never know and are the poorer for it.

ETA:

Finally, Pickler leaves! At least two weeks too late, but I will take it.

The judges apologised to Katherine? Huh? It was not as if they were that harsh to begin with! They certainly should have given her some props for doing a decent job, but it was NOT wrong to say that the song was too big for her, or that she does not come close to Whitney Houston at her prime. Katherine is technically adept and a good singer, but she is not a great singer, which is what Whitney was.

American Idol: Standards Night

This week, AI's theme was "The Great American Songbook", according to the product-placement types who are living in Rod Stewart's pocket. According to me, the theme was "Standards", because I don't live in Rod Stewart's pocket and it's just so much less of a mouthful! In previous incarnations, this was "Big Band" night but AI was too cheap to splash on an actual big band this year.

Standards, next to show tunes, is my favourite genre of post 20th century music (not counting Richard Strauss and Puccini as I think opera is a 18th/19th century genre). I always look forward to these themes on AI, even if the singing disappoints like it did in last year's Musicals Night. Great music, even if badly sung, is still great music. The wonderful thing about standards is that they can legitimately be interpreted a thousand ways. It is a genre that rewards those with musicality and exposes the sub-talented.

How did this year's bunch of hopefuls fare? Before getting to the singing, comments on a couple of the guest stars:

Alistair Stewart is the most adorable baby ever in 5 seasons of AI. No disrespect meant to Nikki McKibbin's and Fantasia's kids. Stewart Jr is just seriously cute, all sparkling eyes and dimpled smiles.

Rod Stewart is not much of a standards singer (voice too wispy for the traditional style he chooses for these songs) but seems a super chap. His lively personality was a welcome change after Kenny Rogers' cranky grandpa act two weeks ago. There is also the cheeky Cockneyish accent and a genuine sense of humour.

The main order of business began with ....

Chris singing It's a Wonderful World.
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Thick-crusted quiche

He said it himself, that this would be a departure for him from his usually shouty, screamy alt-rock stylings (well, he said "belting" but there was some hesitation while he hunted for the right word, after presumably discarding "screaming" and "shouting" as prone to misinterpretation). Over the weeks, I kept trying to understand the judges' adulation of Chris, only to come up short because I could never actually hear his voice through all the smoke, lights and sheer loudness. On country night, he sang a ballad but his vibrato completely hid his voice. Singing this Louis Armstrong classic, I was pleasantly surprised by the very appealing baritone he revealed. So, this is what Chris sounds like when he is singing more quietly and exerts himself to control his projection. I liked it a lot. He had a few wobbly low notes when his vibrato paid a brief unwelcome visit, but his mid-range was strong and very pleasing. The performance was solid if not particularly exciting. It actually worked better if I just listened and did not look at the screen. The outfit was all wrong, for one thing. He dressed like he was about to challenge the Jets to a rumble, and he acted like it too. He was just so damned serious and somber, all the while singing a song proclaiming "It's a Wonderful World". Is it a "rocker pride" thing that you have to be angry all the time?


Paris singing These Foolish Things
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Fine Dark Chocolate

The girl's personality perplexes me; I cannot decide if she is smug or just self-assured, a fame-whore or just uninhibited, shiftless or just versatile. She does seem the type that inexplicably bugs some people while others find her fun. I have described her as "tediously precocious" so maybe my inability to warm to her has more to do with her age than anything else. Whatever uncertainties I have about her personality, this performance leaves me completely certain about her singing: the girl is phenomenally talented, I think the most talented of this year's lot. This was vocally gorgeous, full of beautifully modulated notes and great phrasing. Her voice, with its tonal variety, is just a perfect fit for this music and her interpretation was superb. At several points, I thought "shades of Ella Fitzgerald" and I can have no higher praise than that. The outfit was a bit of a head-scratcher, though. I had no problems with her wearing a suit, which did have the 1930's office-girl look and was therefore at least era-appropriate. The tangerine/orange colour was another thing. Thankfully, she sang so well, I was not distracted. She will not win AI but if she chooses to continue to sing, she could have a hell of a career.

Taylor singing You Send Me
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Microwaved Buttered Popcorn

For such a colourful character, Taylor bores me. Even his spaz attack while singing Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" could not stir me from my indifference towards either hate or delight. I think I just got tired of him at some point, and I can't even be bothered to figure out if he is full of shtick or completely genuine. He bores me as a performer but I do think he is a good singer. His voice has a distinctive flavour which would record quite well. I would not turn off the radio if he is singing a song I like but I probably would not buy his album. This was another perfectly fine vocal performance, with an authentic swing sensibility. I did not much care for the arrangement which was so lacking in pizazz and energy before the trademark Taylor-style riffing kicked in and livened things up considerably. Musically, it was a strange choice to structure the song like that. If anything, the discordance was too jarring for the performance to hang together as a complete package. That said, I probably enjoyed this the most of any of his performances. Even the "Return of the Killer Spaz" during the riffing seemed unaffected and entirely fitting. He showed a real understanding of the genre and I admire that. I even liked the lounge lizard outfit, although it added another 5 years to him 42 years (he's 29? HA!).

Elliot singing It Had to be You
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Gourmet Creme brulee

Even though I hate sounding like Simon Cowell, I have to admit I prefer Elliot with my eyes closed. Not that he's ugly or anything, but he has a tendency to squint his perfectly nice eyes and smile in a most unsettling manner. I know it's nerves more than anything else, but it distracts me from his wonderful voice, my favourite among this year's finalists. Simon said he lacks personality and many seem to find him boring. I think his problem is that he lacks stage presence which again is probably a function of nerves, but aurally, he almost always delivers. The videos might not inspire rewatching, but the mp3s are keepers. Tonight, his voice was in tip-top form, rich, resonant and full of character. This song does not build very much and if executed without style, can be deadly boring. It's to his immense credit that my interest never flagged at any point and it anything, his distinctive phrasing really caught the ear. It was a noticeably 'Elliot' version of the song, with a nice touch of old-school soul but nevertheless remaining true to the spirit of the classic tune. It was like being wrapped up in a comfortable blanket while sipping hot chocolate on a rainy night.

Kellie singing Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Rancid milk

I don't usually hate any of the AI contestants (although Jasmine Trias and Jon Parker Lewis from S3 pushed quite a few buttons and Constantine in S4 bugged me initially before I discovered my apathy). I can honestly say that I hate the Pickler. I don't even care if her dumb-blonde shtick is an act; either way, it's annoying as hell. If it is for real; well, I am just opposed to such moronic levels of stupidity on principle and even more opposed to the lack of self-awareness. If it is an act, it ceased being funny 5 weeks ago and she really needs to dial it back. And I haven't even gotten to the singing yet - was it not obvious from the 1st semi-final that the girl cannot sing? She has some pretty notes and the potential to be decent, but she needs HEAPS of training before she gets there. This particular performance was just wretched. It started out acceptably enough, with a few of her bell-like chest notes getting an airing. Halfway through, she went off-key, was ahead of the music and was twanging so badly, she was practically yodelling. It was easily the worst performance by anyone in this season's finals (even worse than some of Ace's more laughable efforts). As for the whole pouting, 'Ah'mm sawree' act at the end, the less said the better. This is such a pretty song too, sigh.


Ace singing That's All
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Soggy Oatmeal

Ah, Ace Young. So desperately seeking approval, so out of his depth. I simply don't see the physical beauty that so many seem to be swooning over, so his continued presence in the finals is rather baffling to me. It certainly can't be on the strength of his singing, which is about the same as the Pickler's (that is to say, not very strong). I actually like Ace as a person; he seems very sweet, if extremely dim, and his need for affirmation is actually kind of appealing in light of the way the judges have been coming down on him. Still, he is not a singer. This was one of his better performances, but at the same time highligted his shortcomings as a vocalist. He was nasal for much of the song and his much-vaunted falsetto was thin and strained. There was also lack of dynamics and a flatness to the delivery. That said, he kept on pitch and sang with feeling and enthusiasm, and props to him for that. No props for the pony-tailed hair, though. I don't think Ace is good-looking at all, but have never thought of him as ugly (I just think he's very average looking). In that pony-tail, for a second, I really found him to be quite unattractive, a very poor man's version of Matthew Fox. The suit was nice enough, I suppose. If nothing else, he made an effort to dress for the theme.

Katherine singing Someone to Watch Over Me
One-Phrase Food Analogy: Fairy Floss

This was to be Katherine's week to shine. Her voice and musical sensibilities are widely held to be uniquely suited for sultry, jazzy songs. In her pre-song video clip, she is shown effortlessly reeling off phrases from several standards. Obviously, she knows this music. On paper (yes, Pickler, it's an actual phrase), I should be all over Katherine; she sings in a style that I usually like, has a pleasant voice, usually picks songs I like and has a vocal technique as sound as any contestant in all 5 seasons. Yet, I find her good performances easier to admire than to enjoy, and her poorer performances usually bore me to tears. This week, she had a good performance which was celebrated to the high heavens by the judges. I thought it was vocally fine but unexciting. She was going for a quiet, intimate performance of this poignant song (and I agree that is the right approach to it) and it ended up somewhat underwhelming for me. There was also an unevenness in the tonal quality, which was really obvious in this crooning style of singing. I think her voice lacks purity of tone throughout her register, with her higher notes usually sounding quite brassy and sometimes even squally. I think she would have fared better on something more sultry and torchy. Taken as a whole, though, this was a very professional and assured performance, and she did show an affinity for the genre.

The Fine Art of Lyric Writing

Bo Bice and Carrie Underwood will be separately releasing singles of "Inside your Heaven", the "coronation song" of this year's American Idol 4 finale. It's strange that AI/19E decided that both should release the exact same song, although with different B sides. They have never done this before, so perhaps they feel that the two fanbases are mutually exclusive and this was a perfect way to get maximum sales. It's also likely that the other "original" songs they sang during the finale were such horrible dreck, they couldn't imagine anyone ever buying them. Actually, all the songs are equally bad, so I am not sure there's an argument to made any way on the basis of musical or artistic merit. Bo's producer's choice was called "Long, long Road" and was truly an interminably long song; at least it's aptly named. The other song that Carrie sang was called "Angels Brought Me Here", which at least is a better title than "Inside your Heaven". That's just taking the idea of "personal faith" a little too far.

I am glad Bo got a chance to release a single and later on, an album, despite coming in 2nd. That said, it would have been nice if his first single wasn't this awful miscarriage of song-writing. The tune is execrable, but what really irritates me are the lyrics.

Chorus:

I want to be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
When the storm blows you away
I want to be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I want to be inside your heaven

It's no Gershwin, is it? And the syntax is more than a litte R-rated, even if unintentionally. Since when is "my heaven" the "place I cry from"? It makes no sense at all. Inside "my heaven", there's lot's of wine, chocolate and cheesecake, everyone speaks with a crisp English accent and the temperature is a constant 19 degrees celcius. Certainly no storms there, never mind any that will "blow me away". Also, the singer says "I want to be .... Every bit of air you're breathing in". Okay, with all the pollutants, bateria and assorted germs in the air we breathe, this is just downright NASTY.

And I could not resist a comparison to the immortal Ira Gershwin, who wrote lines of such brilliance in "Porgy and Bess" and various classics of the American Songbook.

Verse in "Inside your Heaven":

When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall
I'll still be here
Holding you until the day I die

Let's compare this to how Ira Gershwin did it in "Our Love is Here to Stay".

The Rockies may crumble
Gibraltar may tumble
They're only made of clay
But our love is here to stay.

Essentially the same sentiment, pulled off with so much more sheer panache and style. Lyric writing is an ART, and there is nothing artistic in "If mountains fall, I'll still be here".

American Idol: Final 2

I am not going to bother with a detailed song-by-song review of the Final 2 performances. Both Carrie and Bo were obviously unwell, making for a very lacklustre final. I would give the edge to Bo, but that's mainly because he has better performance skills (although it was getting repetitive) and I much prefer the tone of his voice to Carrie's, which was back to sounding strained and reminding me of injured vocal chords.

I think both sung well below par and worst of all, were saddled with two horrendous songs. These songs were truly bad; terrible lyrics, run-of-the-mill melodies and utterly BORING. I thought that "I Believe" from last year's final could not be topped for sheer banality, but they managed to do it. These songs made the Singapore Idol winner's single, "I Dream" (which is as forgettable a song as you can get), sound like Mozart. After a whole season of them singing some good, even great, songs from old and new catalogues, having these songs in the finale was anti-climactic.

Carrie won, and I really could not care less. I believe Bo is both a better musician and a better performer than she will ever be, but winning the AI title is as much a curse as it is a blessing. Much as I dislike Corey Clarke and his sleaze-bag revelations, I think the aftermath of his allegations did surface a few salient points about how the AI machinery shackles the contracted contestants and performers. I hope Bo will find a way to parlay his exposure on the show into a meaningful long-term musical career, away from 19E and the AI. It's telling that the two most successful AI alumni, Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken, have fought their way out of their contracts with 19E. American Idol is reality TV; there is a winner each season who gets his or her 15 minutes with the media circus. That's what Carrie has "won". Beyond that, the winner needs to be judged as a singer competing with other artistes outside of the insular AI hot-house. That's what Carrie, Bo, Vonzell and all the rest of them, would need to do.

American Idol: Top 3 Review

We are finally down to 3. The season seems to have been on since the beginning of time. By the time the final 2 step out to sing next week, we would have heard them sing in 13 performance episodes, not counting their occasional forays into group songs and repeat performances during the result shows. It's been a LONG season.

And so we have the top 3 in a bumper edition, singing 3 songs each! No theme, unless you count "Judges', Clive Davis's and Contestants' Choices" as a theme. Clive Davis looks more and more like a Mafia gang-lord every time I see him; the impression is not helped when he opens his mouth because he sounds like he could order a hit between recording sessions.

Vonzell:
Clive Davis's Choice: I Know I'll Never Love this Way Again
Ooops, she was really struggling with pitch issues, especially in the first part of the song. She finished well enough, and managed to hit a few power notes on the way. Her voice can be very rich and textured, but on this song, she sounded thin and strained. Slow numbers are not her friend.
Contestant's Choice: Chain of Fools
Vocally, this was a much better performance than her first song. She hit all the notes and her voice sounded smooth. This is just the type of song that suits her style and sense of fun. The girl can perform and sell a song, because her personality is so open and winning.
Judge's Choice: On the Radio
Simon chose this song for her, and it's a home run. This was a let-your-hair-down performance, with all the trademark Vonzell cuteness and mid-song chuckles. Vonzell shouldn't try to be the next Whitney Houston, because she lacks mastery of her instrument. She should traverse the path of Donna Summers and revitalise disco-pop.

Bo:
Clive Davis's Choice: Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me
Ooooh, it's THAT song! The one that Clay Aiken knocked out of the park during his Wild Card performance in Season 2 (the performance that made me take notice of him). Jasmine Trias wailed it to destruction last season. How did Bo do? Pretty well, as it turns out. This performance did not have Clay's beauty of tone and sureness of technique, but it was a completely different approach and arrangement, so it did not suffer by comparison. Bo's gravel-toned voice brought an emotional edge that worked well for this song.
Contestant's Choice: In a Dream
Sung a capella, no less. Of course, that's how they all audition for AI in the first place, but it does take guts to sing unaccompanies on live TV. Singing a capella takes great musical instinct; you might hit sour notes (as Bo did) but the great and difficult thing is to modulate to the corrects note without instrumental aid (as Bo also did). I am not so enamoured with the song itself, but his voice sounded fantastic here, very nuanced, distinctive and full of character. The last note had a horrible time finding its right place (and never quite did), but did not mar an impressive performance. Bo showed that he can sing. Although his range (in terms of octaves spanned) is not wide, he knows how to work his voice.
Judge's Choice: I Can't Get No Satisfaction
Paula chose a non-song which is more a performance stunt than a musical number. Bo did what he could, jamming to a rather nice slow groove in the middle and finishing with a rock-roar, but this is not a song that showcases singing prowess. I suppose I should view it as a performance, in which case, it was pretty much standard Bo - some bouncing, some hair-tossing and much stalking-around while carrying the mic stand. Nothing you haven't seen before.

Carrie:
Clive Davis's Choice: Crying
Carrie sounded great on this song; the best I have ever heard her sound. For once, there was no straining and I wasn't reminded of vocal chords being stretched beyond repair. She does have a rather pretty head-tone when she sings more quietly than is her wont. The problem with this song is that you can't hear it without thinking of Roy Orbison's and KD Lang's versions. Carrie's performance lacks poignancy compared to these. But in all fairness and comparisons set aside, this was beautifully done.
Contestant's Choice: Making Love Out of Nothing At All
Hahaha, Air Supply! Anthony Federov would have sung this had he made it to the top 3. Given the rumours of their supposed canoodling, perhaps Carrie sung this as a tribute? I had never thought of this song as a power ballad, which is what it became in Carrie's hands. She sung it well, hit all the right notes, and held a couple of good notes. Technically, this was strong and incredibly impressive. But her voice began to sound strained again, particularly when she was powering her way through the chorus.
Judge's Choice: Man, I Feel Like A Woman
Maybe Randy chose this after getting wind of all the Carrie-bot jokes making the rounds on the Internet. The first part of the song was horrendous. She croaked rather than sang it, and her lower register problems were having a field-day. It ended rather better, with her hitting her comfort zone in the middle of her range. On this song, her voice lost all the prettiness on display in her first song, sounding strained and thin again. When she sounds like this, all her technical superiority cannot help to make her singing more pleasing to my ears. This is maddenning; she can obviously sing and she has a pleasant voice somewhere in her, so why do we not hear it more often? Also, she seems awkward and very self-conscious of her physical movements on stage. This is magnified when you compare her to Vonzell; Carrie's lack of stage presence becomes glaring and rather painful to watch.