On Seats, of power and otherwise

This post is dedicated to seats. I just got back from Washington DC, which is the seat of government in the USA and the seat of power not only in the USA but also the world.

But it is not such lofty seats that occupy my mind. No, I find myself pondering airplane seats. More specifically, economy class airplane seats.

I spent a grand total of 59 hours in Washington (most of the daylight hours indoors in a workshop which was the whole reason why I was there at all), and another 53 hours in airplanes and airports. By the end of my five-day adventure, I had become quite intimately acquainted with my various airplane seats.

I flew on United, which would not be my airline of choice. For those who have enjoyed the luxuries of SIA and even of BA, this was rather like retreating to air travel in the 1980s.

A run-down of my 6 leg journey:

1) Singapore to Hong Kong
Flight time: 3.5 hours
Meal: Choice between omelette or sausages (this was a breakfast menu)
Neighbours:
1) To my right, two tai-tais from China. They spent the last hour of the flight exchanging stories about purchasing jewellery in HK and Singapore. At one stage, they opened their (rather chic) handbags whipped out their jade and gold collections in a spontaneous show and tell. It was rather like seeing brides compare their trousseau, except these women were rather older.
2) To my left, aaaaargh!! Loud, uncouth, uncultured Chinese man in his late 40's and his female posse. I guessed one of them was his wife, the other two women could have been his mother (or mother in law) and aunt. He sat with his unshod foot raised and pressed against the side of the seat in front of him. He was rude and demanding to the stewardesses. He and his posse were blatantly ignoring the safety procedures upon take-off and landing. During the meal service, he asked for multiple alcoholic drinks.
Flight experience: They showed Mr and Mrs Smith as the in-flight movie. After getting used to the in-seat screens of BA and SIA, craning my neck to see the centre aisle screen was a bit of a pain. Especially when I was seated quite far back and had to watch over people's heads. And so I didn't watch the movie.


2) Hong Kong to Chicago
Flight time: 14 plus hours
Meal: 1) Choice between chicken with rice noodles or beef with mashed potatoes
2) Cup noodles (!!)
3) Choice between chow mein or beef with rice
Neighbours: I was in a window seat, and the seat directly beside me was unoccupied. Bliss! Two seats away was a young lady from Hong Kong who slept for most of the journey and appeared to be studying engineering production notes when she was awake.
Flight experience: Window seat equals limited toilet breaks. But bearable on the whole, as I had extra space courtesy of the empty seat beside me. They showed Fantastic Four as the first of 5 movies (well it's a long flight), but UA seats are HIGH, and I could only see the top quarter of the screen. I listened to most of the movie track, and suprisingly manage to follow most of the story line.

3) Chicago to Washington
Flight time: 1 hour 40 minutes
No meal service
Neighbours: The flight was delayed by an hour due to bad weather. By the time it took off, I had been travelling for over 20 hours and was too tired to notice who my neighbours were!
Flight experience: From my window seat, I could see the snow swirling outside while the flight was preparing for take-off.

4) Washington to Chicago
Flight time: 1 hour 50 minutes
No meal service
Neighbours: An Indian couple enroute to San Diego. She slept most of the flight while he read a novel.
Flight experience: From my window seat, I got a pretty good view of Washington city as the flight was taking off. After that, I looked out as the plane flew over America's North East. The sun was blindingly bright, though, and I had to put the shades down after a while. At this point, I realised I was having a problem with gas in the guts. I had to suppress the urge to pass out the gas, or risk irritating a whole cabin of passengers. With a 16 hour flight ahead of me. Wonderful!

5) Chicago to Hong Kong
Flight time: 15 hours 55 minutes
Meal: 1) Choice between chicken with sticky rice or beef with sticky rice
2) Cup noodles (again!!)
3) Choice between chicken with rice noodles or cheese pasta.
Neighbours: I was in a window seat again. My immediate neighbour was a young man from Hong Kong who drank copious amounts of juices when awake and slept most of the rest of the time. Despite the amount he drank, he went to the wash-room all of ONCE during the 16 hours! Two seats away in the aisle seat was a Korea tour guide who made frequent trips to the galley for Starbuck's coffee. She was also moving around the cabins talking to her tour group members.
Flight experience: This was the horror flight.
1) During the flight, I got up to go to the toilet and BAM! My calf seized up in an almighty cramp. I probably sprained the muscle during my long walk through the streets of Washington the previous day. Of course, this was an injury best treated by constant flexing of the muscle. Seated in the cramped quarters of a economy class window-seat, this was not going to happen. By the time the plane landed, I was hobbling and not able to place my foot flat on the ground as it stretched my calf to excruciating levels of pain.
2) My gassy guts problem also persisted throughout the 16 hours of the flight. This was NOT comfortable at all. Because my neighbour was asleep most of the time, my toilet breaks were somewhat restricted.
3) They showed Batman Begins, a movie I really wanted to see. My view of the screen was somewhat better this time around, but I had to prop myself up to see over the other seats. When my calf started hurting, this became impossible. Towards the second half of the flight, the people in front of me reclined their seats backwards and I had a better view of the top two-thirds of the screen without needing to sit upright myself. Now that I had a good view of the screen, guess what movies they were screening? The remake of Bad News Bears. Not the original with Tatum O'Neal but the unnecessary remake.

6) Hong Kong to Singapore
Flight time: 3.5 hours
Meal: Choice between chicken with rice noodles or beef with mashed potatoes (the same menu as on the flight from HK to Chicago 4 days earlier)
Neighbours: Window seat again. My immediate neighbour was an African American lady travelling with her family, including two absolutely adorable grandsons (they had sat in front of me on the Chicago-HK flight and were so well-behaved). To her left was a Singaporean gentleman who slept through most of the trip.
Flight experience: Calf was still painful, guts were still gaseous. The seat seemed even more cramped than usual, mainly because I was completely knackered after over 2o hours without space to stretch my limbs. But I was on the homestretch and determined to just survive the damned ordeal. On this flight, I finally had a seat close enough to the screen that I could actually watch the in-flight movie. Of course, they weren't showing Mr and Mrs Smith or anything worthwhile like that. Instead, we got the remake of The Longest Yard, the horrendous version with Adam Sandlers. Ironically, I had just read the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, which rated the original among the top 10 sporting movies of all time, but lamented that it spawned this remake. Sigh, just not my day.

So, after spending far too many hours in airplane seats, here's my manifesto to airline for comfortable long-haul travel:
1) Convert all economy class seats to economy-plus. They only lose one seat per row, maximum of 30 seats each flight.
2) If you cannot afford to convert to in-seat screens, could we have the small screens that drop from the top like in the smaller Airbus crafts?
3) Lower seats, with extendable headrests. BA and SIA have these. For UA, the headrest was well above my head, so I could not enjoy the benefits of its mechanism for neck support. That severely impaired my ability to sleep during the flight.
4) Make comedy tracks available on the in-flight radio channels. I find comedy records to be a wonderful way to make the hours fly by.
5) Provide socks
6) Inflatable pillows that we can put away if we choose not to use them. The current pillows take up space in already very cramped seats.