Pondering Pageantry: Miss Singapore Universe Pageant

I was flipping through the latest issue of 8 Days and came across their one page coverage of the Miss Universe Singapore finals, held 2 weeks ago. I was overwhelmed by work back then, or I would have said something about the pageant earlier.

There was a photograph in 8 Days that reminded me about the one thing that I was dying to comment about. For a change, it's not about how unimpressive or embarassingly inarticulate most of the contestants are (this is my usual sore point about local pageants in Singapore and Malaysia). The thing that most affronted my senses was the fashion parade during the announcement of the top 10 finalists. A few of the horrendous dresses are on full display in page 12 of this week's 8 Days.

I was not really paying attention to the whole pageant, so I might have missed some announcement about what the ladies wore during that segment. Were those clothes designed by some local top-notch designer, or perhaps by students in a fashion design school? The loud prints and clashing colours were in themselves already too much to take. What really pushed the dresses over the line from "ugly" to "hideous" was the way they were cut. These dresses looked like costume rejects for a retro-1960's musical revival. Yikes! I half expected to blink and suddenly see the ladies wearing their hair in foot-high beehives. I know that retro, vintage fashion is back in style now, but it certainly is not meant to look this BAD!

The garishly blinding spectacle was also not helped by the contestants' one-hand-on-hip pose. This was so cheesy and played up to all the stereotypes of beauty pageants being a meat market display. What was wrong with standing with the hands naturally at the side? Hand-to-hip poses work fine when modelling and that's about it. When the ladies were maintaining the pose for long periods of time as they stood still, I felt certain someone would get a muscle pull in their lower arm.

Away from the clothes, it was an enjoyable pageant to watch. The top finalists were satisfyingly articulate and gave intelligent answers. The questions asked in the top 10 round were varied and did not encourage the "world peace" type of response, which was a refreshing change. One contestant did try to insert a referrence to 'racial harmony' when asked about her favourite cultural festival outside of her own culture. She must have been studying her copy of "Answering Beauty Pageant Questions for Idiots, 1995 edition".

The final question was very good, too: "What is the greatest strength and the greatest weakness of a woman?". Actually, I was concerned that this might turn into an opportunity to parrot a oft-quoted line that they must learn in Beauty Pageant Basics 101 about how "women are capable of anything if they believe in themselves". A few of the answers were in the same spirit, but spoken without the cringe-worthy sentiment. Maybe they have revised those Beauty Pageant text-books!

Some questions that I wish they would ask in a beauty pageant:

"If you had to choose between being incredibly stupid and being horribly ugly, which would you choose, and why? (Please note that whichever you don't choose, it doesn't mean you would be the complete opposite. Ie, if you don't choose to be horribly ugly, it would just mean that you are conventionally unattractive.)"

"Which current world leader of a democratic country would you most want to kick in the backside? Why? What's stopping you?"

"If you had a chance to have dinner with three famous serial killers from the past, who would you choose and why?"

"What qualities do you have that would make you a good role model for young teenagers who aspire to become anime artists?"

"If you run for election and become Prime Minister of your country, which three campaign promises will you break in your first month in office? "None" is not an option, get real, young lady."

"If your hair could talk, and you could ask it one question, what would you ask, and why?"

"What do you consider more important, mascara or lip gloss?"